Chocolate Cupcakes
by MyN00bishEgo
Summary: Ed recieves an outragous letter, and yep--you guessed it, ordering him to crossdress. Could it possibly be just a prank? Join the FMA cast on their hilariously random attempts to solve the mystery. Progressing RoyEd *note: discontinued*
1. Ch 1: The Strange Mission

Sorry guys. I've been meaning to clean this up for a while...and I procrastinated. For 2 years. -____-;

Anyways, before this gets too long, I just want to say thanks to every reviewer! You guys are so awesome, and I will always remember your awesome support. AWESOMENESS.

**About this fic**: It was written when I was 12...AKA those days when I was disturbingly bubbly, had the most random imagination, and daydreamed all day long about yaoiyaoiyaoiyaoi. XD It's embarrasing, really...but still, there's something special that you don't want to forget about those days. This fic was sprouted during those times (2 years ago, actually), and it was for pure amusement. Eventually, it became one of those things where at that moment you thought it was "da bomb" and then when you look at it again a couple of months later, you get the urge to smack yourself and think, _'Holy SHET, what was I thinking?!"_ Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. =P I'm gonna keep it up here, though, for you all. (And I know how it feels when a fic or artwork got deleted because the author was too self-concious, so...lucky for you all. Hehe.)

For new readers, enjoy! :D

**C h o c o l a t e ~ C u p c a k e s**

-

The office of Roy Mustang was simply normal that day. The only sounds coming from inside were the smooth edging sound of the pen signing each individual paper from the billion stacks of them piled against the corner of his desk. The other sound was Roy sighing of boredom every few seconds. Yep, another normal day in the Military, until---

The door slammed open and unsurprisingly stood a very very annoyed and pissed off Edward.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT, MUSTANG!? IS THIS A JOKE OR SOMETHING? I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU AND YOUR STUPID SMIRK ONE DAY!!"

The whole city of Central could hear Edward's voice echoing as it got louder and louder as he yelled at Roy.

Roy was taken back, for he had never heard Edward so mad, and more importantly, at him. His ears would have fallen off if he didn't cover them just in time.

He defended himself innocently and replied, "What are you so mad about, Fullmetal? Did I not pay your salary this week? Or are you mad that you can't find any way to make yourself any taller?

Edward flinched at his last comment.

Roy immediately regretted what he had said.

He shut his eyes tightly, ready to die.

After a few seconds have passed, he felt nothing but air.

_What the heck? I don't feel any pain!_

He opened his eyes to see Ed taking several deep breathes to calm himself down. When Ed looked up, a look of confusion and embarrassment appeared on his face.

A long, awkward silence followed as the two stared at each other, not knowing what to do.

"Um…so you didn't send me this mission?" Ed said, finally breaking the silence.

"Huh? What mission?" was all Roy could say.

Ed's face grew rather redder after he knew that Roy didn't send him this…_unspeakable_ mission.

"…I'd…rather not say…" he replied getting redder as he thought about it.

_~ FLASHBACK ~_

It was 10:00am in the morning, and Ed was still sleeping soundly since he was absolutely exhausted from yet another goose chase searching for the philosopher's stone. Though he had improved a bit; he didn't break his auto-mail or get seriously hurt for that matter. Little did he know he was in for a rude awakening. Literally.

Al, still as a suit of armor, dashed through the entire house. Since his feet were hollow, they made loud _banging_ sounds.

"Brother! Wake Up! Wake Up! Look what I found in the mail!" he cried as he burst into Ed's room.

As if on cue, Ed reacted as if he were a cat and someone stepped on his tail.

"Aaaaal! Can't you see I'm sleeping?" He groaned and turned to his side. "And what's so important about the mail?"

Al quickly handed the piece of mail clearly addressed to '_Edward Elric'_.

"Hmm.." Ed muttered as he scanned through the envelope, "It says it's from the military. I bet it's from that damn colonial bastard."

"Um…I'm not so sure he would send you on _this_ type of mission." Al said nervously, as he was clearly inching slowly but surely towards the door.

_Hmmm...very suspicious..."_Hey, what mission are you talking about and what are you---"

Al was already out of the house.

Ed just sighed as he sat on his covers and became oddly confused about the way Al was acting. He made a mental note to never let Al bring in another kitten, and carefully unfolded the letter inside the envelope.

His eyes grew big with shock as he read and reread its contents.

At the farthest point where Al escaped to, he heard Ed scream, "MOTHER OF FU---" He did not get to hear the last part, for he had purposely thrown his head into a trashcan to avoid it.

_~ END FLASHBACK ~_

"Well, to sum it all up, I got this letter that said it was from the military, instructing me to do a…a really _weird_ mission…" Ed said, trying to avoid Roy's gaze upon him. God, he was already embarrassed enough for one day.

"Oh?" replied Roy smirking, "What _kind_ of mission?"

Ed stayed silent, and Roy admitted his defeat.

_Well I guess if he won't tell me directly, time for plan B. _he thought.

"What did you say, Fullmetal? I couldn't hear you considering you were so _**small**_." He added.

Ed's head looked like a volcano had just erupted. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE WOULD SPEAK SO SOFTLY THAT HE COULDN'T BE HEARD TRYING TO TELL HIS COLONIAL BASTARD THAT SOMEONE SENT HIM A MISSION TELLING HIM TO DRESS UP LIKE A GIRL TO INVESTIGATE AT A MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR SOME STUPID INFORMATION?!!"

Ed was panting like crazy until he realized what he had just done.

Roy just starred in shock and disbelief.

"W-Wha--?" Roy began, only to hear Ed run out the door in a millisecond, not even bothering to slam the door behind him, for he was too embarrassed by now to care about anything at the moment.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

_**~ 4 Fun ~**_

Roy: -_Smirks_- OooOooOoo a _giiirl,_ huh?

Ed: -_slaps Roy_- Say. Another. Word. And I'll **kill** the author and nobody will be able to know what happens next.

Me: WHAT! HEEEY!

Ed: Hey, I didn't write this 'Fun Section', did I?

Me: -_paralyzed by sh_ock-

* * *

**A/N:** I've also corrected some my grammar and spelling errors. Gosh, this cleaning up process is so troublesome... -sigh- I'd rather go and watch clouds...


	2. Ch 2: Fun With the Mustang Crew

Oops. Forgot the disclaimer---sorry! 8D

I do not--REPEAT--do not own anything related to Fullmetal Alchemist. Please don't sue me. T__T

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

Two hours have passed since Ed "informed" Roy about his mysterious mission. If you did not notice Ed sulking in his room or Roy looking into space, you'd think this was a normal day. Unfortunately, people here in the military are not _that_ stupid. Even Hughes, who repeatedly shows everyone his pictures of his family every minute of time, noticed when he tried to shove one into Roy's face. The action that Roy took was this: he continued staring out into space. He truthfully didn't even notice reality or Hughes's photo, since he had spent nearly two whole stinkin' hours thinking about Ed, or more specifically, who sent him the mission.

_Hm…well it has to be someone in the military, since the stamp was officially the military's. But there was an endless set of people in here! What am I suppose to do?! Interview every one of them?_

Bad choice, since he did not have either the time, nor patience to do that. Nor the courage, either.

When Roy unbelievably finished the endless stack of paperwork (in which he really did not recall doing) early for the first time in his life, he had finally thought of a reasonable way to solve our little mystery. The first step was to...talk to Edward. _Yes, talk. That shouldn't be too hard._ After he closed the door, the whole group immediately gathered together and began to gossip about Roy and Ed's undoubtedly strange behavior ever since this morning. Riza was having a half-day off, so she did not attend.

"I say that Edward's jealous because of Roy's new girlfriend or something and they're trying to sort this out without telling us." Suggested Havoc, who knew the pain of having many girls taken away by Roy.

"No way! Roy doesn't even _have_ a girlfriend right now, idiot!" countered Lieutenant Ross, trying to squeeze into the bunch.

"Well, it could be a coincidence." Hughes added, nodding his head.

"Maybe Roy's just pissed off with his paper work and Edward's just mad cuz he can't find the philosopher's stone." Agreed Kain.

"No way, it's _way_ to suspicious!"

"I'm telling you they're in love!"

"Then what about Riza?! I thought Roy liked her!"

"Yeah, liked her as a friend and officer!"

"No, he told me that she wanted to go out with him, but he turned her down."

Suddenly, peculiar footsteps were heard and the doorknob started to turn slightly. Everyone froze and a second later, a loud mixture of noise was heard as everyone scrambled to return to what they were doing before the colonial left. The door started to open. Roy's head popped through the space.

"Man, I forgot my keys in here...has everyone seen them?" his head turned left and right to observe what everyone was doing.

Roy raised an eyebrow and a puzzled expression.

Everyone seemed to be normal…except for their faces. They were blank, mostly because of the shock and panic they took on before he had arrived.

And their necks...there was unusual amount of sweat dripping into their uniforms.

Ross looked like she was about to laugh. Havoc looked like he was holding his breath and suffocating himself with the lack of oxygen. Hughes was pretending to read a book, only he didn't take any note that he was holding it upside-down. Well to conclude this, everything was a mess.

"U-Um…I think it's in the drawer by the window, sir." Kain bravely responded.

Still bewildered, Roy went and took his keys.

"So, are you guys okay? You seem a little awkward." He said as he approached the door.

_---Gulp._

Havoc quickly thought of an idea and kicked Hughes leg across from him. "OW--" He began, but covered his mouth just in time to stop the words from coming out. He turned to Havoc with a questioning glare. Havoc mouthed the words 'It's time to do your stuff!'.

Hughes immediately understood and nodded inconspicuously. He stood up and took a handful of photographs of his family from his pocket and began to show Roy each and every one of them.

"And this is the one where Elicia was eating cake at her first birthday, and oh--this one was where all of us, that's me in the back, went to dinner together. Aww! You know you should hurry up and get a wife, Mustang, and have an adorable family just like mine. I was just showing everyone these five _new_ pictures that I just took yesterday while…" And that was all Roy heard before he was annoyed out of mind.

The door shut with a squeak and his footsteps echoed until nothing was heard.

Everyone sighed of relief.

"Oh god, that was close."

"Wow, Hughes and his pictures actually did something good, for once."

They bunched up together again and the conversation continued.

"Hey, did you know that blond girl that Ed was with like…a month ago?"

"Yea, that's Winry."

"Do you think they'll end up together because they're childhood friends?"

"Hmm...not sure, but I don't necessarily think that. Just because they were childhood friends doesn't mean that they will end up together, you know what I mean?"

"So it's just one-sided love or _what_?!"

"Not sure."

"What the heck, we're off of topic, people!

"Unless they really are in love, we Need. To. Stay. On. Topic!"

"Hey have you noticed that Ed's hair got longer?"

"WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE!?"

"Aww, c'mon, it's not like it's illegal to be off topic! Geez, your sorta like my language arts teacher back in 6th grade."

"Wow Havoc, I feel your pain. Language arts is a total prison chamber!"

"But I _like_ reading!"

"Well I hate it! I'd much rather do math!"

"Math, oh c'mon man, that is just plain idiotic!"

"Well it's hard! Why don't you try going through all those brain-killing equations!"

"Hey you guys, I have an idea!"

"We should start a rebellion to ban math forever from every school in the universe?"

"No!"

"I mean maybe we could ask Ed's little brother, since they're together all the time, he's bound to know something!"

"Oh yeah, talk about obvious."

And that was the whole afternoon for Roy's group. While they were busy chatting, Roy was heading through the halls to go talk to Ed about his little plan to solve this mystery.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N: **Maybe I should've added Riza coming in through the window and telling them "Wow, you guys really don't have anything better to do..." Because it's true. They have no lives. But we all love them anyways. Lulz...


	3. Ch 3: A Secret Meeting

...Meep. Cleaning up chapters are hard. T___T

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

Roy was standing inn front of Ed's door for minutes, maybe hours. Ok fine, it was minutes. Why? Well…he was nervous. Anybody would be if they were in his shoes.

_But why am I _this_ nervous?_

"Fullmetal…?" Roy called, his voice ached with a sense of nervousness.

No answer.

"Edward? Hello, are you in there?" he tried again, assuming that calling him his real name would shock him somehow. But there was still no answer.

He lifted his hand up to knock, but he had a feeling that he shouldn't. Instead, he reached for the doorknob, and luckily, Ed didn't lock himself in his room. Slowly, Roy opened the door and peered inside. There was no light, except the sun shining through the window. But that wasn't the first thing he noticed. Across from him, Ed laid fast asleep on the couch. His peaceful expression and soft snoring sounds alerted Roy's brain that he'd have to wait a bit until he confronted him.

Roy crept closer to the sleeping figure, gingerly avoiding any sound from his footsteps. He found that it was a mistake because he couldn't avoid observing Ed as he slept dreamily. The sun's light faded and reappeared, only to land upon Ed's body, revealing a delightful shine through his long hair. He kneeled down to get a better look.

Roy's stomach turned into mush, as he gazed upon this extraordinary sight. His head pondered about how long and thick Ed's hair turned out to be. It was spread all over messily over the couch. He didn't think anyone except Ed's brother would be able to witness Ed, for once without his blonde hair tied up into a unique braid.

He felt pretty lucky, and...dead.

Roy instantly snapped out of his thoughts and turned to a reality check. God, Ed would kill him if he knew that he was spying on him when he was sleeping. He estimated that the best choice of action to take right now was to go back and check later. Wait a minute…he doesn't _have_ later!Remembering the tight schedule he was planned to enroll after Hawkeye gets back, he stood still and simply decided to wait until Ed wakes up.

After a couple of minutes, Roy got extremely bored and was about to head back when Ed moaned and pulled the nearest thing he could find, and that was Roy's arm. He was about to panic but he softened when he turned around and looked into Ed's mournful expression. He looked like a mere child, petrified by something.

Even though he remained calm, he felt as though the world's temperature suddenly rose by several hundreds of degrees. He was mentally trying to take deep breaths when he lost his balance and knocked over a vase on the table before the couch.

_-SMASH-_

Roy's heart almost stopped.

Ed's eyes shot open. "What the---what in the world is going on?!" His head turned right and left so quickly that it made Roy's head spin.

His eyes eventually fixed onto Roy. There was a short pause as golden eyes widened. Then, they narrowed and intesified with anger.

"Ro---Mustang, might I ask you WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!?"

"Erm---well, I was just---uh...it's for..." his mind spinned to come on with something sensible. Anything would do!

"...inspection," he stammered lamely.

"Riiight, now_ leave_ before I have to call the Union!"

When Ed got no reply, he asked, "Well, what are you waiting for?!"

Roy hesitated whether or not to tell him the fact that he was still clinging to his arm. He purposely coughed loudly and blushed, pointing to his unmovable arm. Ed's hands moved around to feel that he was holding something. He turned towards his arms, and surely enough, he was clinging to Roy's arm. After changing from every shade of red known to man, Ed let go silently and shrugged. He placed his hands on his knees, not knowing what to do, except continue the silence.

"S-Sorry…I don't know what I'm doing when I'm half sleep." He said muttered, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

Roy regained his cool composure and smirked. Gently, he sat down next to him.

"Oh, I think it was natural. Just your instincts, perhaps?" he offered.

"Yeah…I guess." Ed sighed and rubbed his neck. "So what were you doing here in the first place? I know you were making that inspection thing up." It was like he read his mind or something.

_You never fail to amaze me, Edward._

Holy shit, he just called him Edward (in his mind) without even thinking! Wait---crap...that doesn't make any sense.

It felt really weird sitting there alone, in the darkness, just them two…oh no…Roy's mind was starting to wander off into the gutters.

"Hey, hey Mustang! Stop starring at me!" Ed snapped, blushing harder.

After a moment of hearing Ed's voice, his head cleared. "Oh, sorry, I was getting lost in time." He answered, "Okay, to conclude this, I came to talk to you about that letter."

Ed blinked at the mention of that. He sighed in defeat.

"Fine, go ahead, I'm ready. Tease me about being a girl and include some short jokes. Here, I'll even _save_ you the trouble."

Right away, he started imitating Roy's deep voice and gestures. "Oh, _Fullmetal_, I look forward into seeing you in a miniskirt. You'll fit _perfectly_ into a miniskirt, because of your _short_ size. And don't get me started on your _girly_ hair, I mean who in the right mind would grow their hair _sooo_ damn long and tie it up into a braid, just like a _girly _girl. Oh, and that reminds me of this girl I've **yet _again_** taken from Havoc that looked _so much_ like you, except that she was _taller_, heck an _ant_ is taller than _you_."

Roy cleared his throat to catch the young alchemist's attention, which seem to work, more or less.

"As much as I'd like to do that, I did not in fact come here to tease you. Believe it or not, I came to tell you about my plan to find out who sent it. But I'll need your help."

After ten seconds, Roy was getting discouraged.

But then it came: "Alright."

Roy blinked. "You'd except just like that? No yelling? No kicking? No---."

Ed interrupted him, "That's not all I do, you know. And besides, I want to find out too, and there is a bigger chance if I team up with you, considering your rank."

"..."

Ed didn't seem to notice, so he continued, "If you don't mind, tomorrow at 9 o'clock in your office, we'll discuss your plan." He pushed off of the bed and hastily walked out of the room.

"Hey wait, where are you going, Fullmetal?" Roy called.

"The library!" Ed shouted back.

* * *

Edward yawned. It was morning, and an extremely hot day. As he searched for his clothes, Ed wondered if that conversation that he and Roy had yesterday was all but a dream. But the truth was that I was that I _wasn't_ a dream. After he went to the library yesterday, he couldn't put his mind to concentrate on the research or alchemy, so he searched for some other type of book they had laying around. He was stunned yesterday by the number of romance books he found and..._read_. How was he going to tell Al that he spend most of his tome reading some romance books instead of researching for information on the philosopher's stone. He chose not to.

"Brother! Hey, wait up!" Al shouted through the crowd of people. Ed was walking faster than usual and was getting very ahead. His head turned to look at the street clock, which read 8:47am. He did not want to be late for his meeting with Roy for more than one reason.

"Hurry up, Al! I'm gonna be late!"

As the suit of armor caught up he asked, "Since when were you in such a hurry, brother? And I thought _I _had unlimited amounts of energy! What are you going to be late for, anyways?"

Ed stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ehh...Ro---_Mustang _wants my report at...9 o'clock. He's going to fry my ass if I'm late."

_Dammit! I almost called him Roy again! What's wrong with me!?_

"Oh, alright."

The two raced each other to the military. This time, Ed won and didn't say a word after he reached there.

"OkaysayyalaterAl!" Ed yelled, before he disappeared into the halls.

Al became bewildered.

_Was it because of the letter?_ he thought.

Five seconds later, "Hey wait a minute, brother doesn't _have_ a report due today!!!"

_

* * *

_

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N: **I still kind of like this story...my writing skills improved a lot because of this. XD


	4. Ch 4 Filler: Mangos and Coffee

Arguably the most random chapter in the history of random chapters. Still embarrassed by it today. But it's fine if you enjoyed it. :D

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

Roy fidgeted with his pen, wiping some sweat off of his forehead. Hawkeye shot him a 'do-your-paperwork-or-else-I'll-shoot-you-with-my-gun' look. Roy immediately understood and started to sign a few papers as quickly as possible.

"Sir, Please may I beg you to sign more slowly! That illegible signature does not even look like yours." Hawkeye remarked after a few dreadful minutes.

Roy sighed and looked at the clock dangling from his wall.

It read 9:07

Fuck. He was late.

_Anything was better than doing paperwork! Even listening to Armstrong singing about his muscles is better than this!_

Roy paused. _Okay, I take that back._

Just then, both of them heard an extremely loud noise and by the sound of it, it was heading into Roy's office.

Then came---

**_CRASH_**

**_BOOM_**

**_THUD_**

**_SMASH_**

**_BANG_**

**_CRUNCH_**

**_KABOOM_**

Roy's eyes were glued to the door in front of him, while his body prepared for an impact. Hawkeye just acted like everything was normal and sat down to open a book by her side.

"What the---why are you reading in a time like _this_!?" Roy said, pointing a finger at Riza, with an unbelievable look.

"It's for my work. Work comes first, even when there's a massive explosion out of nowhere going to ramble you into jelly." Was her reply, without even looking up.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Women…"

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing nothing! I was just...um talking about how much I love doing paperwork, haha…" Roy's eye twitched.

He went back to signing, even though his heart was beating a million miles an hour, because according to his ears, the 'explosion' was coming closer and _closer _and **_closer_**---

**_BANG _**

His door burst open. Okay, so it _broke_ open.

When the dust cleared away, a small blonde was hopping around all over the place, tumultuously.

"Ed? Wh---"

"Ohmygod I'm so sorry that I'm late its just that ya see I had my first dose of pure coffee, but then I accidentally spilled like a ton of sugar into it but then I was like, hey what the hay, and started drinking it. Andandandandand it was _SOOO_ good I couldn't help but drink the whole jug, and then came this weird feeling in my stomach and now I can't stop running and jumping and jumping and running and jumping and running and jumping and running and jumping and-

"Ok, that's enough E-." Roy said, still trying to unscramble what he just said in fast mode.

"Nonononononononononoooo wait, and thenandthenandthen, I started to race Al for some reason, and ohmygod I won for the first time in history and so I kept running and into the military halls because I was so fucking happy oh and because of the overloaded coffee. But I broke everything while trying to come to your office, so people got mad and so they forced me to fix like the walls and stairs and desks and chairs and so I was like ok, and so that took me about five minutes and so I kept bouncin' and then I went into your office oh and which reminds me of your door, sorrysorrysorry. But right now I can't because I still haven't got rid of this endless amount of energy flowing thought my body, and oh which reminds me of the coffee I had this morning which I-wait hold on lemme bounce for a second. I'm not sure when this is gonna wear off but it may go on hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after hour after 4 minutes and 89 seconds-

Hawkeye shot several bullets at the piece of wall that was one centimeter away from Ed's skin.

Ed immediately froze. At least the coffee didn't eat _all _of his brain. No wait, the truth was he was suffocating from lack of air since he was talking on runaway sentences.

Roy was standing up, hands on his desk, distressed. But not at Riza using her gun, but the way Ed was talking just a second ago. He was having a major headache understanding what he had just said or babbled.

After Ed finally settled down and could talk in normal, non-quick sentences, Roy asked him to repeat what he described earlier.

"Ok, so I was going down to your office, right, and I spotted this new coffee store just next to the dorms and th---"

Roy interrupted, "Wait, wait! I still can't understand. Start over."

Ed felt very annoyed.

"Ooooooooookkkkk…", he said as slowly and deeply as possible, "Tooooodaaaayyyy, me---" He pointed to himself, "saaaww this cooooffeee shhoooppp. Me weeent iiiiiiin. Me spill suuuuuuugar. Me driiiiink it. Me have suuuuuuugar rush. **DO YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAND?**"

This irritated Roy _a lot_.

"Ed, you're talking to me like I'm a _three_-year-old or something!!!"

Ed smirked, and his mind was working.

"Quote this Mustang, this is the opposite, I'm treating you like an 80-year-old man whose sense of hearing has gone deaf. And you better not unquote or requote my quote, because this isn't even a good unquote quote, heck I'd like to unquote this quote, but it isn't even a quote, so why am I even quoting you on my unquoting quote? Unquote."

Roy's head turned into vanilla pudding mixed with strawberry Jell-O and green slime with a bit of liquid glue turning into squashed cement wrapped with a dash of chocolate syrup inside some mashed potatoes smothered in maple syrup.

Roy stared out into space like a zombie.

Ed whispered to Riza, "Wow, I'd never that confusing phrases would affect him _that_ much…"

Riza just nodded.

After awhile, Ed was getting bored and even _more_ annoyed that Roy **_still_** hasn't recovered.

"Edward, may I ask you, _please_ stop bothering him. He needs to complete his paperwork by this afternoon." Riza pleaded. And by pleaded, I mean commanded.

"Hmm…" he thought for a moment, "Alright, I'll try _this_."

Ed stood up from the couch and snapped his fingers in front of Roy five or six times and called, "Roy! Hey Roooy! Snap out of it!"

Riza noticed that Ed was addressing him using his first name. "Elric…," she warned.

"What is it?" he asked, "Hurry up, cuz I'm trying to get Roy to---"

He stopped mid sentence.

Naturally, he turned to face Riza. "Oh…I, called him Roy again, didn't I?"

"Mm hm."

"…Oh, sorry. I was just---WAAOHHH!!"

At that time, he clumsily slipped on a mat and toppled over, about to crash straight onto the floor. Only to find himself being catch by none other than Roy.

"Edward, are you okay?" he asked, still in an awkward position.

"Yeah...", Ed replied rubbing his leg, "Thanks for breaking my fa---Hey wait a minute!! You just called me Edward!"

Roy blinked.

"Oh…well it's not illegal to called people by their real name, is it?" he defended

"Ermm…well its just that…you never called me Edward…a-and, well…" he stated, his face starting to turn red.

"Well what, _Edward_?" There was that trademark smirk of his again…

"Arggh!! Stop that!"

"Why?"

"Because, it feels uncomfortable!"

"_Just_ because I called you by your real name?"

"YES!"

"Well I don't see what the big deal is I mean---"

"Well what if I called you Roy?"

"Go ahead, shrimp!"

"I AM NOT SHORT, ROY!"

"….Hm…odd."

"What…?"

"It **_doe_s** feel weird when you call me by my real name…"

"Told ya, bastard!"

"Told ya, _Roy_, remember?"

"Fine, fine, whatever."

"Ahem…", Riza cut in, unexpectedly.

Both men looked as if she was invisible 5 seconds ago.

They blushed after noticing that Roy was still carrying Ed while they were arguing.

"I…should probably get back to those papers." Said Roy, nervously returning to his desk.

"Oh no, sir. You can stay with Edward while I go get some coffee." She turned to Ed, "Would you like some?"

Roy blissfully agreed, since coffee was man's best friend, next to dogs, of course.

Ed looked disgusted and rubbed his stomach. "Uhh..no thanks..I think I had enough today…"

Riza stuffed some money in her pocket and left the room, giggling evilly as she closed the door.

At the lunchroom, Feury, Falman, Brenda, Kean, and Ross were all busy chatting and having a snack, when they heard Riza's voice, "Hey you guys! You won't _believe_ what I just witnessed!!"

Outside, Al was taking a walk.

_Wow…Niisan's taking an awful long time with that 'fake report'…I just **gotta **find out what he was doing!!_

Back in Roy's office:

"Hey, you wanna have a starring contest?" Roy suggested out of the blue.

"You're **_on_**! Whoever wins gets to…gets to…"

"Wear a miniskirt for the rest of the day!"

"…"

"Alright, if that's the case, I want to lose."

Roy blinked about 10 times.

"Ok, now you wear a miniskirt!"

"I take that back! And we didn't even start yet!"

"Ok, fine loser _-quote you-_ buys the winner _-me- _a chocolate cappuccino!"

"Now that, I can live with."

And thus, an agreement was reached.

A few minutes later, Al decided to pick up his brother. He looked around only to spot Ed and Roy starring at each other though a window, rather pleasingly. He decided to spy on them, just for safely I guess. Al wouldn't let his brother fall in love with a person that he wasn't 'ok' with---wait…_WHAT_!?

He crept toward a bush besides the window and leaped behind it. It's harder than it sounds, since he was a giant metal armor trying to not get caught sneaking around behind a small bush.

Just then,

Ed looked up.

_Eep!_ Al thought to himself_, Did he notice me?_

But all he said was, "Time out, time out!!"

Roy sighed.

"Dang, And I was having so much fun!"

Ed: "And again, **how** is this fun!?"

Roy: "You wouldn't understand."

Ed: "And why wouldn't I, _Roy_!?"

Roy: "Because this is only for adults, shorty!"

Ed: "DON'T CALL ME AN ATOM'S ELECTRON THAT IS A BILLION TIMES SMALLER THAN THE NUCLEUS!"

Roy: "But even though they are small, they are quick," Roy remarked, thinking back to science.

Ed: "Well…that is true…" Ed admitted.

Roy: "It's amusing how many random things you come up with when someone calls you small…"

Ed: "No, it is not!"

Roy: "Hm…I've always wanted to test it until you run out of random things to say…"

Ed: "Ha, I'll never run out! NEVER!"

Roy: "We'll see about that!"

Ed: "Alright, I say lets have a name calling contest!"

Roy: "I'll begin then. Ok…shorty, shrimp, chibi-."

Ed: "WHO ARE YOU CALLIN' A BEAN THAT HAS TO LOOK UP TO SEE A PIECE OF GRASS TWO INCHES TALL!?"

Roy: "Ah…bean, that's a good one, bean squirt, short-stuff, small-fry-."

Ed: "DON'T CALL ME 1/10 WORTH OF A COIN THAT PEOPLE USE AT CACINOES IN LAS VEGAS!"

Roy: "….what's a 'Las Vegas'?" _(A/N: Remember, they are not in our world.)_

Ed: "Dunno…just…came into my head…"

Roy: "---randomly." He finished.

Al sighed and waited for the oncoming uproar.

5, 4, 3, 2-

"SHUT UP BASTARD, AND DON'T CALL ME A PIECE OF A TINY SEED THAT WON'T GROW EVEN IF IT WAS PUT IN A GALLON OF CHOCOLATE MILK FOR TWO-THOUSAND-THIRTY-FOUR-MILLION HOURS!"

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT A GROUP OF ANTS WILL LAUGH AT ME IF THEY COULD?!"

"STOP SAYING THAT I'M A LEPRECHAN THAT RAN OUT OF GOLD BECAUSE I COULDN'T SPEND IT SINCE I WAS SO SMALL, IT WAS TWICE MY SIZE!!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A GRANE OF RICE THAT FELL OUT OF A RESTERANT AND FLOATED ON TOP OF A POPADOTED PURPLE UMBRELLA THAT BLEW AWAY ONTO THE COW AND WAS EATEN EVENTUALLY BY A DESPERATE PIGEON FROM NOWHERE!?"

By then, Roy was on the floor, laughing his ass off, mostly at the last one.

Surely enough, a few more of Ed's yelling came back and forth and again and again, until…he was out of breath, and random phrases.

"So, give up yet?"

"Ok..I give up…" he said panting.

Another few minutes later,

Ed: "God, Riza's taking a long time with that coffee…"

Roy: "I thought you said you didn't believe in God."

Ed: "Well it's a phrase."

Roy: "I know! Lets use a different word to replace the word 'God'.

Ed: "How about pudding?"

Roy: "Pudding? No…too…random."

Ed" "No, it sounds sorta catchy, like 'Oh my pudding!"

Roy: "What about eggs?"

Ed: "Book."

Roy: "Laundry!"

Ed: "Cartoons!"

Roy: "Chicken!"

Ed: "Wall!"

Roy: "Pen!"

Ed: "Stove!"

Roy: "Paperwork!"

Ed: "Pillow!"

Roy: "Shoe!"

Ed: "Napkin!

Roy: "Mangos!"

Al: "Kittens!"

"Wha?" they both said in unison.

Outside, Al was panicking super badly. _Oh no, I was just too into it, I said it out loud!_

He got an idea and took of his head and put it on the roof. His body then ran into an alleyway and waited. This way, he could hear what they were saying without making much sound.

Then, he concentrated and heard,

Ed: "I guess it was just the wind…"

Roy: "Yeah…okay, I think mangos is the best one."

Ed: "Hm, 'Oh my mangos…' doesn't sound so bad..."

Roy: "Ok, done, mangos is the replacement!"

Ed: "Wait…what were we doing again?"

Roy: "Oh, right, we were suppose to chat about the letter you got yesterday morning…"

_What the---Roy knows about it? And they're working **together**? Wow, I'm impressed, brother…_Al thought.

_Well then,** maybe** I can help them out…_

* * *

_END CRAPPY FILLER CHAPTER -___-_

**~ 4 Fun ~**

Ed: AACK!! Look what you've made me do! It's _SO_ random!

Roy: I don't think that **_I _**was _that _random.

Me: well...I guess its just random, what can I say?

Ed: You will **NOT** post this as a chapter!

Roy:...um...Ed, too late?

Ed:...Oh yeah.

* * *

**A/N:** At least we've got the mango thing down. XD


	5. Ch 5: And the Plot Thickens!

**~ 4 Fun ~**

Ed: Finally! And I was getting bored with all the random stuff!

Roy: Yea, when do Ed and I-

Me: SHUT UR MOUTH, PIEHOLE YOU'RE GONNA RUIN IT!!!!

Ed:Wait, _what_ do him and I do?

Me: _-stares_ _at him-_ You…didn't read the script…?

Ed: _What _script!?!?

Me + Roy: ...

* * *

Hooray...we're getting back on track with the main plot! Wait...there's a _plot_? 0__0

* * *

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

"Here you go, sir," said Riza politely and handed him the large mug of coffee. Roy took a sip and immediately spit it out.

"AAHPSPPPHH!!! Lieutenant, what in the world did you put in this?!" He demanded.

"Uh..." she put her hand on her chin and started to think back...

_~ FLASHBACK ~_

Riza sat down at the table, eagerly greeted by the group.

"Hey there, first lieutenant. What brings you here?" asked Kean as she scooted in.

"Yeah, and what did you 'witness'?" Feury cut in.

"And what's with that 'happy' attitude?" added Ross as she bit into her sandwich.

"Well, I guess it's a long story, but I'll explain quickly. After all, I only have enough time to buy some coffee for the colonial." She explained.

She clearly summarized what Ed and Roy where doing and at the end, everyone was just shocked to hear what she said.

"So…let me get this straight, they were…bickering, like a couple?" said Havoc a few seconds later after choking on his chicken.

"Exactly."

"No wait no wait, LIKE. A. COUPLE.? Are you sure…?"

"Positive."

"Really?"

"Mm hm."

"Are you _completely_ sure..?"

"Yes, Jean!" she snapped, getting annoyed.

"…"

"But this is _Roy _we're talking about here. H-he can't be gay, no wait, _bi_ for that matter!"

"I heard a rumor that he's dated all the women in Central but broke up with **all **of them for some reason."

"I bet it's because he doesn't want to get married!" said Hughes, disappointed.

"No, it's because he likes guys!"

"SHHHHHH!!!" everyone whispered loudly.

"God, don't scream so loud, Falman! If word gets out of his sexual orientation, he won't get to keep his job. And after that, he's gonna burn us into bacon!"

"Yeah, why don't you just wear a shirt that says 'Roy Mustang is gay and I'm proud to be burnt into bacon'!?"

"But there isn't any proof! Just because he was bickering, doesn't mean anything! He and Ed do it all the time!"

"Exactly! But over time, one of them's gonna crack fur sure."

"Um…excuse me?"

Everyone turned over to find a giant suit of armor starring at them. No doubt that he overheard their little conversation.

"Um…A-Alphonse…how nice to see you…" Brenda greeted him the worst fake greeting in the history of worst greetings.

After another few seconds of dead silence, "Did you by any chance, hear the last part…?" Havoc said nervously.

"Or the first part. Or everything, for that matter...?"

"Yup." Al stated calmly.

"..."

"Well…_this_ sure is awkward…"

"I'll give you a five second start before I end your lives for talking about brother and the colonial," said Al, placing a fist in his palm.

_...Gulp._

Instantly, everyone, including Riza_ (A/N: For some reason)_ ran for their lives as if Al was an alien who was going to obliterate everyone in the world except Ed and bring them back to life and kill them again.

"RUUNN FOR IT!!!"

"AHHH I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT BUT RUUUN!"

"THAT'S IT I'M GONNA MOVE OUTTA TOWN AND CHANGE MY NAME INTO LAS VEGAS!!!"

"WHAT'S A LAS VEGAS?!!!?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!!"

"KEEP RUNNING YOU IDIOTS!"

The other officers who were in the room grabbed some popcorn to watch the action.

They were about to reach the door when they heard Al laughing hysterically on the other side of the room.

"HAhaha! I don't believe you guys_ fell_ for it!!" he said through his laughter. If he weren't a suit of armor, he'd be crying of happiness by now.

It took a millisecond for them to realize that he's been faking.

"What." Said Hughes.

"The." Said Brenda.

"Heck." Havoc finished.

"YOU LITTLE---OKAY, _LARGE_ PIECE OF TRASHCAN! ARRRG I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!" They all exploded and started chasing Al.

"Oh my mangos, I-I didn't mean it! Really, I was just---ahhh! Hear me out!!" Al cried while he ran and dodged their attacks.

"I WAS KIDDING I REALLY KNEW ABOUT BROTHER AND THE COLONIAL AND I CAME HERE BECAUSE I NEED SOME HELP FROM YOU TO SOLVE A MYSTERY THAT WE REALLY NEED TO SOLVE BEFORE THE NEXT SIX WEEKS OR ELSE HE'LL BE FORCED TO DO IT. NOW DO YOU WANT TO HELP OR NOT?! ...Oops."

Al covered his mouth, regretting what he said.

Now _that_ pushed their curiosity level of the chart.

"What?"

"You know?"

"Help?"

"Mystery?"

"Six weeks?"

"Forced to?"

"Oh my _mangos_?"

Lets just say Al was bombarded with two-worded questions over and over again.

"WAHH! Okay, okay I'll tell you!"

"Ok, so---" He began, only to be cut off by Riza.

"Oh no!!" she cried looking at her watch, "The colonial is still waiting for the coffee!!" She hopped out of the group and aimed her gun at the nearest officer with a cup of coffee.

"Give me that cup of coffee or I'll blow your head off." She gave him a dark look.

"Eeep!" he sqeaked and hid behind Al.

_Now that was easy. _Riza thought as she picked up the coffee and fled towards Roy's office.

"Sorry about that…it's just that she's very determined when it comes to work." Al said to the terrified officer.

"Yeah, we'll buy you another cup of coffee later."

"Um…that _wasn't_ a cup of coffee…" he said uncertainly.

_~ END FLASHBACK ~_

Riza scratched her head and said innocently, "I don't recall, but I _do_ remember that I got a cup of coffee…"

* * *

**A/N:** And the question remains unsolved---what was in that not-really-a-cup-of-coffee? The world will never know! =P


	6. Ch 6: Lets All Confess

...Nothing much to say, except...enjoy? _-still really scarred from knowing that I actually wrote this mushy mashed potato-_

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

"........"

Both Ed and Roy stared at Riza suspiciously for a pretty long time.

"What?" she said, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing." they both said at the same time, quickly adverted their eyes someplace else.

"It's um…just that you've been thinking for a long time about that coffee." Roy said, looking at his watch, "For about 9 minutes, and we thought you were blanking out on us or something…"

"Oh well, I guess a lot happened before I got you that um…coffee." _I suppose._

"Hm…?", they both shrugged their shoulders and looked at each other.

"Alright, Lieutenant, you are dismissed. Fullmetal and---"

"It's Edward!" he shrieked.

"Ok…_Edward_ and I need to discuss 'something' privately, if you don't mind."

Riza looked at them both questionably, but headed for the door. On the way out, she said, "You two better not do anything naughty. The colonial has to finish two more pounds of paperwork _before_ that, understand?" and the door closed.

Roy's face could be described as a tomatoe. The juicy and red kind.

"…Hey Roy?"

"Yes Ed?"

"What did you think she meant by naughty?"

"Yaahaumahhcadaaitsumh…" was what Roy could form into words, "W-Well…ya know, just…getting in trouble…a-and not doing work, I guess…"

"…Roy?"

"Yes?"

"You're getting sidetracked."

"…Right."

"Alright, so what did you come up with?" Ed asked, curiously as he slumped over Roy's shoulder to see what he was doing.

"Well, nothing complicated…" His voice was a little shaky since he was feeling Ed's touch, again. "All we need to do is hack into the military schedule records and look up where all the officers were at the time that your letter was sent."

"Wow, I'm impressed, Roy!"

"That I came up with this smart, well-thought out plan?"

"No, because you, the number one dog of the military, is willing to risk his rank and actually _hack_ into military files, which is, of course breaking the rules."

Alright, _now_ we all know that Roy clearly didn't realize this little 'loophole' in his plan.

He placed his hand on his forehead, thinking hard, "Dammit! And I thought my plan was going to work out perfectly!"

Ed's felt a sudden pang in his heart. He was hurt that Roy really wouldn't really do it, because his job was at stake.

He looked at the floor and whispered, "But…Roy, I was just teasing…"

A bit alarmed, Roy took his hand off and turned his attention to the blonde standing in front of him. He couldn't see his face, because it was covered with golden hair.

"..Ed? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" he tried to mollify him.

"I thought you were going to do whatever it takes to help me!" Ed cried, and shot closer to Roy's face until they were only inches away.

Roy didn't blush this time; he looked straight into Ed's eyes, which were filled with sadness. It was so painful, he wanted to look away, but he was frozen by guilt, and was forced to look though them until he saw tears streaming down. That did it.

"Ed are you okay? Tell me, is it really that bad?" He shook his shoulders softly, trying not to hurt him.

"I-I thought that you would do anything for me because…b-because…because…" he choked though his tears, "I-I guess I was wrong about you, Roy! You really _are_ a self-centered bastard! Just leave me alone!"

Ed slapped Roy's hands off of his shoulders and slammed the door, wiping his tears with his right arm as he left.

Roy should have ran after him. But he was too paralyzed by guilt and shock that he didn't realize what he should have done. His mind was busy replaying what Ed just said.

_I-I thought that you would do anything for me because…b-because…because…I-I guess I was wrong about you, Roy! You really are a self-centered bastard!! Just leave me alone!_

_I guess I was wrong about you, Roy!_

_You really **are** a self-centered bastard!_

"Ahhg! Stop it! I don't want to hear it!!" he cried out loud.

_No Edward! You got it wrong! Please forgive me!_

He wanted to tell him that, but he couldn't. He didn't have the courage or the will power to do it.

Ed ran through the halls, desperately trying to find a place to be alone and unnoticed.

_I'm so sorry, Roy, forgive me, please!_ his heart cried.

Blinded by guilt and pain, Edward accidentally bumped into someone big.

"Ow! Watch where you're go---"

"Niisan? Is that you…?"

_Holy SHET._

"Al…?", he looked up to find his normal, overprotective little brother looking down at him worriedly.

"Niisan! What's wrong, you're crying!" he reached down and touched his shoulder.

Ed smiled one of his famous sad smiles, and embraced his little, but big brother, sobbing continuously.

"Al…I-I'm so sorry for making you see me like this…" he cried and sniffled "It's just that…that.."

"Niisan, please, tell me what happened! Did someone hurt you?"

"No, _I_ hurt _him_…" he cried muffled by his tears, "H-He must hate me by now…I'm such an idiot…"

"Lets go to your room and we'll talk about it, ok?" he pleaded and Ed nodded, thankfully.

As Ed's tears dried up, Al sat across from him on the bed.

"Now please tell me what happened, I'm your brother, and I deserve to know!"

Ed hugged his knees and looked deep into space. His face was all sweaty while his hair was messed up and sticky.

"…I have a confession to make."

Al looked uncertain, but he was determined to find out what caused his brother to cry in ages.

"Alright, I'm ready."

He waited, and finally, it came.

"…Al, I'm gay."

If Al were drinking a cup of water, he'd spit it out instantly after hearing what his brother just said.

The truth is that he knew it all along, but he'd never thought he'd be a live to see the day when Ed just comes straight out and actually admits in front of his face (um…armor head)…until now.

"You're…what?!"

"I'm gay." He repeated miserably.

"But why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because even I didn't know until I met Roy…" he answered.

This time, Ed looked up with pride in his eyes and said, "I love Roy Mustang! And I just did the most horrible thing to him today!"

He started to sob again.

"Tell me, please, what did you do?"

He looked away.

"I'm sorry Al, but I don't want to talk about it…"

Al just couldn't pass up a chance like this.

"Ha, Niisan, I always knew it! You and Roy were head-over-heels in love with each other but won't admit it because you both are too shy to make the first move and you think being gay is wrong, am I right?"

Ed's felt his jaw fell onto the floor.

"…You knew?"

"Actually, I didn't know for sure, but it was obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes to know that you two were only fighting to hide your true feelings for each other. C'mon brother, don't let your pride get the best of you. You shouldn't be afraid of being gay, at least if it means being together with the one that you truly love."

After listening to that, it soothed Ed's heart and brightened his spirit.

"Wow, I didn't know you were so _deep_ into this, Al!" he said, astonished and amazed at the same time.

"What? So I like reading angst poems, big deal…"

Ed laughed, "Yes, it really _is_ a big deal, huh?" and laid down to fall into a deep sleep.

After a few minutes, "…And Al?"

"Yes, brother?"

"Thanks."

"Any time."

Al was extremely proud of himself that day because he helped his brother for once, and Ed actually _let him_. Ed always told him that he was fine and that he could take care of himself. Al knew that he was lying through his teeth, but kept quiet, knowing how stubborn his brother was. Ed carries all the guilt, but what he doesn't know is that Al also carries guilt that his brother was suffering by himself.

Ah, it was nice for a change, to see Ed's weak and soft side.

_Maybe this will work out after all…I just don't know about the colonial though…_ Al thought, as he looked out the window.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N:** ...What. The. HELL. Why did I make Ed freakin' _cry_?! What was I thinking?_ -even more shocked that people actually like my mushy mashed potato-_


	7. Ch 7: It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

:)

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

**-**

"Hey, colonial, you don't look too good."

Roy sighed as he finished signing a piece of paper. He was tired as heck. Knowing that your secret crush hates and that you have nine stacks of paperwork to do you can really bring you down.

"Ugh, please...no more photos, Hughes. I'm not in the mood," Roy said truthfully as he gathered the remaining three stacks of papers. He had a big headache to resist for the rest of the worst day of his life.

Hughes smiled smugly and carefully hid his envelope of photos in his pocket. "What gave you that idea?" he asked, his giant camera dangling as he knelt down beside his best friend.

"So Roy," he asked after a few minutes, "What's with the gloomy look? It's a beautiful day outside, perfect for taking pictures!"

Roy sighed of disgust as he pictured he and Maes taking pictures of absolute strangers. And then as they ran off after snapping a couple making out, they snickered and headed for the park. He could just picture Hughes telling him how to hold the camera and capture things when they seem right and...

"No seriously, Roy. What's bothering you?" Apparently, none of Roy's group saw or heard Ed and Roy's fight earlier.

He was about to say 'nothing', but then his conscience told him that Hughes would find out one way or another. And he was sure that one of those said ways would be blackmail.

"It's um about my c-crush," he answered slowly, deciding whether or not to mention Ed's name.

Hughes literally choked on air.

Roy took a few steps back, "Calm down, just calm down, please…"

"SINCE WHEN DID YOU EVER HAVE A CRUSH!? YOU NEVER HAVE ONE BECAUSE THEY ALL FALL FOR YOU THE MINUTE YOU ENTER INTO THE ROOM!"

"SHH! SHUSH!! Do you want the whole world to explode?!" Roy yelled, face turning crimson and clutching his fist.

After a few minutes, Hughes finally understood that his 'womanizer' friend actually had a crush on someone. Unbelievable---if he was crushing on her, then she must have the ability to protect herself from being hypnotized into being in love with Roy's good looks. But there was something nagging Hughes on his hypothesis. The question is, who is it?

Roy instantly knew what Hughes was about to ask him. Thing is he doesn't know how to answer him or risk anyone overhearing what he would say, so he whispered into his ear "Meet me at the bar downtown and we will discuss about this. Nine o'clock," and walked---sprinted out of the room before Hughes had a chance to protest.

"What was that about? It's almost like Roy doesn't want anyone to know…"

Hughes debated with himself. "Wait, unless...it can't be that it's---"

* * *

Roy looked out of the window as the car slowly moved forward. After a few minutes, he sighed, because he was hoping to spot Ed lurking around somewhere on the military grounds, but no such luck.

"Is there something wrong, sir?" Riza perched her head up to the mirror.

"Huh?" Roy seemed to be in a trance, "No I'm fine. Just fine..."

Everything remained slow for the time-being until Roy spotted someone particularly blond and…short. The car stopped as if on cue. Roy's brain concluded that either they were stopping because of traffic, or Hawkeye's on his side. Anyways, either one will do because he kept his eyes locked to the two figures walking slowly. Then he heard Ed yell to Al,

"NO! I am _not _apologizing to Roy! It's worse than drinking milk!"

_Stubborn as ever, I see…_

"But brother! He must feel pretty frustrated after what you said!" Ed's face grew sad and guilty.

Roy was relieved. _So he feels guilty after all!_

"I just…I just don't know how, Al…" Ed looked at the ground, both hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

Al was getting frustrated by the way his brother was acting in this situation.

"Look at me, Ed."

"What, but you never call me E---"

"I SAID LOOK AT ME!"

"Y-yes sir, trashcan, SIR!" He stammered, saluting Al like he was the Furer.

Al's vein popped out anime style, "Trashcan…?" he said darkly.

"Eep! I meant YES SIR, KITTEN OTAKU, SIR!"

"THAT'S **NOT** WHAT I HAD IN MIND!"

"YES, SIR, _BROTHER, _SIR!"

"…"

"What? Are you going to say that you're not my brother?"

"No, it's just that _I'm_ the one that calls _you_ brother, brother."

After a few more minutes or pointless arguing, Roy got bored of watching and closed his eyes. His car moved slowly and stopped and moved forward again and stopped. Mangos, traffic can be annoying. But in Roy's case, it was pretty lucky. He needed some information on how to get him and Ed back together.

Roy's ears lit up when he heard,

"Admit it, brother! You like him!"

"I DO _NOT!_"

"Then why are you blushing?"

Ed froze for a moment; he didn't even know that he _was_!

"I-I have a rash!"

"You're **_SO_** STUBBORN!"

"No, it's true!"

"Fine, if you are so sure that you don't like him, you wouldn't mind if I get him to date another girl, right?"

"NO, DON'T DO IT!"

"Why?"

"Arrgh!" Ed yelled, clutching his head, "Fine, you win alright?! **I LOVE HIM! **SOTHERE, HAPPY?! But I---"

"But what?"

Ed sighed and looked into space, gazing at the sky, dreamily for a few seconds. He seemed to be thinking seriously hard.

"I-I don't know, Al. Maybe it's because I don't know if he likes me back. I don't know if my heart can take it if, if he doesn't accept me..."

Roy's heart was overflowing with joy. But sadly, the god of mangos wasn't on his side today. As soon as Ed finished his sentence, Roy could feel the pressure of the air increasing inside the car that could only mean…the traffic cleared.

_Damn…and at the** best** time too…_

As he unlocked the door to his house, he thought of a plan and called Hughes for advice. After Roy finally convinced Hughes to leave his camera and photos at home that night, Hughes concluded the plan.

"It's risky, but worth it." He said over the phone.

After Hughes hung up, he grabbed the mug of coffee, took a sip, and dialed the phone at top speed it could have been considered the same speed as speed dial.

_RIIIING…_

_RIIIIIIIING…_

The Elric's house was full off phones and each of them was ringing so loud that two cats jumped out of Al's armor and ran away.

"Nooooo! Fluffy, come back!" Al cried as he tried to grab one of their tails.

Ed seemed uninterested. "Get over it. And please pick up the phone, Al."

"But brother, don't you even care that I'll never get to see Fluffy or Mouse again?" Al pouted as much as could in a body of armor.

Ed didn't lift his expression even by one percent. He scratched his head and lied down on the couch. Instead, he totally changed the topic. "Let me ask you something. Why did you name a cat _Mouse_?"

"Ugh, I'll just go get the freakin' phone."

"That's more like it."

Al rushed over to the nearest phone possible because he was sure that it ran at least eight times already. He saw that it was from Hughes and put it on speaker. Then, he went inside the bathroom and shut the door.

"Hey Hughes, so what did you come up with?" he whispered, making sure that Ed doesn't hear.

Hughes smirked in the other end. "Actually, I didn't. Roy did."

"Wow, for real? What is it?"

"It's _-dramatic pause-_ to make Edward drunk."

Al's head fell off.

After a few seconds of silence, "Hey, Al? You there? Hello, A---"

"THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN IN A MILLION YEARS!" Al screamed into the phone so loud that it awoke Ed from the living room.

"Al!" Ed called, "**_What's_** not going to happen?"

Al panicked, but thought quickly enough to fool him. "Um, we will not accept donating money to the, internet company policy…uh commercial."

Al listened for a response.

"Well, gosh, you don't have to be so dramatic. Just tell them you don't want to next time."

"Okay, Brother!"

But in his mind he thought, _I'm being dramatic for **your** sake, idiot!_

He went back to his chat with Hughes.

"You know what? Make him drunk for all I care."

"What's with the sudden change of heart?"

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?"

"Never mind."

"So, when?"

"Tonight at 9."

"Alright, and…what's the excuse?"

"Alchemist Party."

"Roy's pretty smart."

"Actually, _no_. Only when it comes to Edward…"

"I-I see." Al said twitching. _What's that suppose to mean?_

"Oh, and another thing, Alphonse."

"What?" _Oh no, Did brother get in trouble?_

"You won't believe what my little daughter did today! Okay, first I gave her this piece of cake right? And then she accidentally slipped and---"

That's when Al hung up. _Geez, And I actually thought that it was important…_

Al ran back to the living room while glancing at the clock, which read 7:26pm.

"Brother, brother! Wake Up!"

Ed was sleeping lightly until then. He moaned. "Al, please don't tell me it's another letter…"

"No, it's an invitation to an Alchemist Party! Tonight at nine!"

Ed's face was clueless. "Alchemist Party? What for?"

"Erm…" he had to think fast, yet again, "For all the hard work that the Alchemists put in for the military this year!"

Since Ed was very gullible, he excitedly agreed. "So is Roy going to be there?"

"Yeah! Definitely! Maybe you can make out---I mean make up with him there." Al replied.

"I just hope he's not too mad…"

_Just you wait, Nissan, he's gonna be **very** happy…-insert mentally evil grin-_

-+-

Tic-toc…

Tic-toc…

Tic-toc…

Tic---

"Man, this is taking too long! And I'm getting very impatient, Al" Ed whined after…five minutes.

Al looked up from his e-mail and replied sarcastically, "What do you think I should do about it? Ask the time wizard to fast forward time?" Ed sighed.

"Well it's better than nothing."

Especially this week, since they had zero leads on finding the philosopher's stone. Yup, nothin'/nada/zip/ absolutely nothing. So this week, Ed was getting real stubborn and impatient and discouraged. Reading alchemy books and doing research was Ed's time-killer while Al's was taking kittens home, buying groceries, and testing out new recipes. Now that Ed had maybe a little _too_ much free time, he was getting bored all the time, because Al kept hogging the computer. Reading romance books was one of Ed's favorite things to do when he was bored. It seemed to work until the library was closed for construction, even desperate state Alchemists. Just two days ago, Ed had begged Winry to send him some romance books she had bought and kept into her room. She only had about four, but it'll do.

Ed sat up from the couch and started flipping through some pages in the novel, "Love's Secret". He had read ten chapters and gosh he just couldn't force himself to stop reading it. It was pretty addictive, alright.

It was about a girl named Eve, who lost her parents in a car accident and went into the city to find a job for a living. In the city, she got fired but met a boy working in a higher rank. She always hated him for teasing her about her English since she never went to school. Her best-friend Rei thought it was romantic and bittersweet love. As time passes, Eve learned to soft around the boy and eventually they became lovers. Until her lover advises her to go to college and get a degree for better jobs and more importantly, improve her English. So she packed her bags and went to the college that Rei went to currently. She's so nervous on the first day that she didn't get more than five hours of sleep the night before.

And that was where Ed last left off. Every time he started to read the words off a page, he would picture himself as Eve because in his opinion they seem alike. Secretly, he also pictured Eve's lover as Roy. Though he never told anyone about it. Sometimes he would cry silently when he came to the really sad and angst parts. But Al never knew because he locked himself in his room and told him that he was sick. Another reason that he loved the story was it was also very funny. Ed would snicker sometimes or laugh so hard until his chest hurt.

While Ed started chapter eleven, Al was busy checking his email, when his IM alerted that Hughes was online. He turned the volume down so that Ed wouldn't hear, but it really didn't matter since Ed was in his own little world.

He double clicked on the button and an IM window popped up. He did admit in his mind that it was pretty hard using the mouse when he had chubby, metal fingers. So they had to get the extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra large mouse when they bought it. Ed bought a separate one, because it was too heavy for him to move. It was bigger than the size of his fist!

**_~ Here's what the IM screen showed:_**

**IAmNotATrashCan**: Hey Hughes, any news?

_AnnoyingCameraMan_: Yeah, Thank god u r on! It's urgent!

**IAmNotATrashCan**: This better not be about your family…

_AnnoyingCameraMan:_ It's not!

**IAmNotATrashCan**: -totally not buying it-

_AnnoyingCameraMan_: Ok…maybe it is but…

**IAmNotATrashCan**: I'm logging off.

_AnnoyingCameraMan_: Wait! My wife suggested that u make Edward dress up like a different person. There is a theme night at the bar tonight and it's a costume party.

**IAmNotATrashCan**: Hm…So wat r u and Roy dressing as?

_AnnoyingCameraMan:_ I'm a wolf and he's a cat

**IAmNotATrashCan:** Hm, well since I'm also going, I'll be a…

_AnnoyingCameraMan_: A trashcan?

**IAmNotATrashCan:** I AM NOT A TRASHCAN! JUST LOOK AT MY USERNAME!!

_AnnoyingCameraMan:_ How about a robot?

**_-IAmNotATrashCan has logged off-_**

_AnnoyingCameraMan_:…point taken.

Al hopped out of the chair and headed for the kitchen to make something simple for dinner.

_Oh, I almost forgot…_

"Brother! It's all yours!" he shouted from the kitchen. But he didn't get an answer.

"Brother? Hello?"

This time however he got a reply, "Yeah, whatever, just quiet down Al, I'm reading a very good part."

Al obeyed and opened the refrigerator and took out three small eggs. He beat them in a bowl and mixed it. While Al was halfway done, and was frying the eggs, he heard coming from the living room---

"OH MY MANGOS!"

He dropped his pan, turned off the fire, and rushed to his brother.

"What's wrong, what's wrong!?" he yelled while running.

When he got there, Ed's face was looking at the ground, his expression was dark. Both of his hands were clenched tightly and placed on his knees. He was shaky visibly from anger.

"Brother, w---"

Before he could finish,

"I DON'T BELIEVE HIM!" Two angry golden eyes shot up from the ground.

"Who---"

"ARGG! HE CHEATED ON REI FOR EVE!?"

"Huh---"

"HOW DARE HE? DOESN'T HE EVEN KNOW THAT SHE **HAS** A BOYFRIEND ALREADY! THAT AIRHEAD!"

"Brother…"

He grabbed the book and started reading again, flipping though the pages furiously.

"AHRG! STUPID STUPID STUUUPID! Don't you cry, Rei! He's gonna taste my _FIST_ IN HIS MOUTH!"

Al sighed and gave up. Obviously, he wasn't going to get anywhere.

"EVE TO DA RESCUE! WOOOOOOT!"

Al walked slowly back to the kitchen and went back to his eggs.

"Sometimes you scare me, brother…"

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**~ 4 Fun ~**

Me: oh, hold on, before Ed kills me, I'm going to need to ban him out of this 4 Fun section.

Ed: What but I---

Me: Sowey…I just had to, cuz I know what you were going to say…

_-Ed is out of the 4 Fun section-_

Roy:_ -sniff-…_that was mean…

Al: So does that mean this gets turned into a '3 Fun' Section?

Me: …I don't know.

* * *

**A/N:** Onward, to revising the next chapter! :D


	8. Ch 8: Let the Party Begin

...  
...I dunno.

* * *

**~ 4 Fun ~**

Me: Ok Ed, you're back in.

Ed: Whew…

Me: You'll probably freak when you read this chapter…so I'll just ban you again---

Ed: NO! I'll be good!

Al: _-reads the chapter-_ …brother…I don't think you should read this…

Ed: Why?

Al: Just because…well_…-giggles-_ nothing…

Roy:…now, lets read!

* * *

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

They still had a pretty long time until the party begins. So Al was busy trying to find a good time-killer.

_Hey wait… _Until he just realized that they were missing something. _What is brother going to wear?_

"Aw, dang it! I forgot! I have a costume, but what about Ed?" Al walked back and forth, debating thoughts in his head.

_Ok, so he could be a….kitten---no…he'd killed me for that. And besides, that's Roy's costume… _

_What about a gangster theme?_

Al paused and a shivered imagining what Ed could do with those 'fake' tools that come with the costume.

It should be something…cute…something that he could practice for the cross-dressing mission…

Suddenly, an evil grin spread across Al's face. _Heh…I don't care if he kills me---this is pure **genius!**_

A few minutes later, Al told Ed that he was going shopping and headed out. He dialed his friend, Kimo's, number and waited. Someone answered.

"Hello?" It was a Kimo's voice. Good.

"Hey, Kimo, it's Al. I know this is last minute, but I need a favor." Al crossed his fingers.

"Alright, sure. What is it?" she asked from the other line.

"I need you to bring me that outfit you where when you work. Meet me at the coffee shop three streets ahead, okay?"

There was a silence. "Why would you want to borrow that?"

"I…have my reasons. Sorry, but I want to keep it a secret, okay?" Al whispered.

"Okay, bye." Kimo hung out and went to get her outfit from her closet.

Kimo and Al became good friends when they rescued a family of cats who had kittens. They even joined a kitten fan club together.

As promised, Kimo met Al near the coffee shop minutes later. She bought some coffee and chatted with Al.

"So…your _brother_, is going to…where _that_…?!" She pointed to her bag.

Al sighed. "It's a long story. But to make it short, he needs a costume for the party."

"I really don't understand why you'd pick _this_ one out of all the oth---"

"Listen, I'm sorry but there's no time. Gotta go!" Al jumped out of his seat and ran back to the house, carrying Kimo's bag.

When he got back, Ed was fast asleep on the couch.

"Brother, wake up." Al called. He really didn't want to interrupt, but this was an exception.

Ed turned over, mumbling something.

"Guess we'll have to do this the hard way…"

And 3, 2, 1…

"Hey, brother! I just got your costume for the party! And guess what? It's a size **_SMALL_**!"

With that, Ed sat straight up. "Are you saying that I'm a smaller than one fourth piece of a tiny seed!?"

Well, at least he was awake.

"I didn't say that, but what I said before was true."

Ed frowned. "So it really is a size small?"

"Um…no, it's petite…" Al said nervously. He took a step back.

"AAAALL!!"

"Brother, calm down. It was a joke!!!! It's _really_ a size medium!" Al lied.

Ed blinked and raised an eyebrow. "Oh…so what is it actually?"

"Come here! I'll show you!!" Ed thought he heard some sort of sarcasm that came with it, but he followed him anyways.

What he saw next could have scarred him mentally for life. His brother took out…a maid's outfit. It had golden ribbons on the bottom of the shiny, black dress. There was another layer of white curly strips or fabric and a matching spiky hat. The top for it had three white and gold buttons on each side and another gold ribbon for the waist. He pulled out a pair of black leather boots and fluffy white socks and gloves. And the conclusion, Al took out a handy duster from underneath the bag.

"So, what do you think? It's very cute and the golden ribbons match your hair!" Al said excitedly.

Ed was just paralyzed by shock. "Is. This. A. Joke.? CUZ IT BETTER BE!!" he cried, even though he did admit that it was pretty cute.

Al remained calm. "Now, now, brother. I know this _might_ be a _tad_ embarrassing, but this will be considered good practice or your cross-dressing mission."

"I am **NOT** cross-dressing! And I am NOT going to wear a dress, **_EVER_**!" Ed stomped his feet. "And what do you mean by 'might' and 'a tad'?"

"Remember, I'm invincible, and you can't kill me."

"Ugh! Damn! But that can't stop me from cutting you into pieces and throwing you into a dumpster and keeping the blood seal in my pocket!"

"We only have 25 minutes until the party! There's no time to get another costume!"

"I'll wrap myself with toilet paper if I have to!"

"You're going to wear this whether you like it or not!"

Al ran after Ed, who tried to lock himself into the bathroom. But Al drew a transmutation circle and made a hole in the door. He was still holding the dress as he slowly walked toward Ed.

"What are doing?!"

"Like I said, I'm stronger than you!"

"Ahhh! Stop that!"

"If you don't wear it, I'm gonna put it on!!"

"Ow! That's too tight!! Are you sure this is a size medium?"

Al growled annoyingly. "Never mind that!"

"No! What if people recognize me?"

"No they won't! And I bet that Roy would love to see you in a miniskirt!"

"What?! I thought it was a dress!"

"It _was_."

"B-But…"

"Yeah, but it looks like a cute little miniskirt when you put it on."

"But---Hey, I AM NOT _LITTLE_!"

"Just hold still, I'm almost done!" Al tried to get the ribbon around his waist.

After ten minutes, they were finished and Al was exhausted. He got up and said, "Time for the make up…ugh, I hate this..."

Ed's eyes widened. "Make up? I DON'T WEAR **MAKE UP**!"

"I'm only talking about a little hint of blush and lip-gloss!"

"NO!" Ed was about to continue when he saw Al take a long piece of rope from his back.

"CO. OO. PER. RATE. Or I'll tie you to a chair."

"Yes…sir."

The makeup took another 5 minutes, and they were all done.

"C'mon, Niisan, look in the mirror."

"It'll probably break."

"You're exaggerating, you look beautiful." Seriously, if Al weren't an empty suit of armor, he would have a nosebleed.

"Fine…" Ed walked in front of the mirror and gasped.

"Is that really me?" He touched the glass and blushed.

"Duh."

"Hm…this isn't so bad…" Ed said as he examined himself.

"I-I don't know what to say…except…WOW!" he turned to his brother, "You should do this more often, you know."

"Since when have I ever done this?"

Ed smiled and took several poses that a girl would do and checked the mirror. Al had tied his hair as a ponytail and curved the bottom of his bangs. He spun around two times and his dress flew up and gave Al a good view of his panties.

"Uh…brother---there's another thing I think you should know." Al pointed to his dress, "Make sure that you cover that part, or else people can see your new panties that I got for you."

"Oh…" Ed smoothed it down.

"Hey Al," Ed asked.

"Yeah?"

"I think Winry will be jealous when sees me like this." He giggled and imagined Winry's face.

_Is it me or is he becoming ever more feminine than usual…?_

"Oh, and another thing, when we get back, prepare to die." Ed said darkly.

"Yes…brother." Al shivered.

"Now lets go!" Ed said cheerfully.

…_Well easy come, easy go…_

Al looked at the clock. They were going to be late, but it was worth it.

"Taxi!" Al waved his hands near the street. A couple cars passed by, but none stopped.

"Ugh…people these days…"

"Is it okay if I try it?" Ed asked from behind.

"Sure, but I doubt that it would make a difference..." Al crossed his arms.

Ed shrugged. "Hey, over here, we need a ride!" he waved his left hand in the air.

Instantly, a random car passing by stopped. The window opened and a guy sat in the driver's seat. "Hey there, heard you need a ride?"

"Yes, please." Ed replied.

"Looks like you're off to the costume party down town, I'll drive you." He opened the back doors.

"B-but he---I mean she but---how? And---bleh!" Al pointed at Ed and looked at the guy and then blabbered some more.

Ed sat in the back sat and asked, "So what's your name?"

"Call me Leum, and you?"

"It's E---" _Think of a girl's name…a girl's name…but it can't be stupid…or too complicated..._

"I mean, it's Eve. Nice to meet you." Ed was relieved.

"Well then, excuse me for saying this, but you look hot in that costume."

"Um…thanks, I guess." _UGH!! He's flirting with me! He doesn't know that I'm a boy! B. O. Y. whatdoIdo---whatdoIdo!?! _He was just about to rip his hair out when Al stepped into the car.

"Careful, brother." Al warned, "He might try to flirt with you…"

_Like he didn't already…_

And they were off.

"Brother, if you're going to pretend to be a girl, you need to change your voice a little bit." Al whispered so that Leum couldn't hear.

"Hm…fine." he whispered back.

"Hey, are you guys talking about me?"

"No..of course not…"

"Don't be shy, Eve, I'm sure that your big brother is just overprotective."

_Oh no_…Al thought.

Ed clenched his teeth. "_BIG_ brother?!" He jumped up. "**_I'M_** THE BIG BRO---"

Al covered Ed's mouth before he finish. "Um…uhh…he meant that I'm…his cousin."

"Fuaklfhtahennfhdiiuyattaofaokfa!" Ed mumbled.

* * *

At the bar, Roy and Hughes had arrived ten minutes early. "Hughes, I don't see them anywhere."

"Of course you don't, you dolt! They're more likely to be late."

They walked in and sat down. "Give me today's special please." Hughes said to the waitress. She nodded and turned to Roy.

"Same as him."

The waitress blushed and skipped into the kitchen.

Hughes frowned. "Roy, you're not supposed to be flirting. You're with Ed now, remember?"

"Yeah, but the thing is, that I wasn't trying to flirt."

After five minutes, Roy was getting discouraged. "Man, I still don't see them, Maes. What if they forgot?"

"Just be patient and wait." Hughes suggested.

Just then, the same waitress appeared with their orders and set them on the table. She also put two glasses of smoothies onto the table too. "These are on the house. It's for the party, so you each get one free." She explained.

"What kind are they?" Hughes asked.

"Sorry, but we're low on the others, so these are both mango smoothies." She turned around and walked to another table.

"Hughes, I nervous."

"Don't be, man. Ed is probably more embarrassed than you are." He took a sip. "Mmm…this is good, try it!"

Roy nodded. "Hey maybe if I pray, things will work out."

Hughes stared at him. "Who are going to pray to? You don't believe in God."

"That's why I have an alternative!" Roy pointed to his mango smoothie.

"I will pray to the mangos!" he demanded.

Hughes shook his head. _You've got to be kidding me…_

"You're taking this mango thing too seriously…"

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"And what do you say?"

"I just said it! I _said _that---"

"If you already said it then how come saying it is so hard to say when I said to tell you to say it? Just saying…you know."

"Wha…?" _Must be the alcohol getting to his head._

Roy turned his attention the people coming in. _Still no sign of Ed or Al._ Then he saw a different waitress who's back was walking by.

"Hey, miss, can you give me some coffee with some cream and---"

"What, I'm not a waitress!" he turned around and gasped.

"ROY!?"

Wait…he recognized that voice, it sounded like---

"ED?!"

"Oh boy…" said both Al and Hughes with a sweat drop.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N:** Boy am I tired...


	9. Ch 9: Of Beer and Kisses

**CC ch 9**

-

There was a long pause. Even the people who were chatting in the background stopped to give their attention to the cute, young girl… boy in the maid's outfit. All the men were drooling and all the women were furiously examining their new competition.

Things were pretty awkward this second. Roy was starring at Ed's costume. Ok, his miniskirt to be precise. And Ed was just getting annoyed.

"Roy…" said Ed, clenching his teeth, "Do you _mind_?" He pulled his dress down and stretched the fabric.

Roy was still frozen by shock…or bliss. No one really knows. He cleared his throat to grab the attention of a waitress coming by.

"Could I get close to a million napkins?" he asked seriously.

She glanced at Ed and then at Roy back and forth until she nodded and took some out of her cart and handed it over.

Roy took one and stuffed it in his nose, trying to stop a nosebleed.

Ed and Al took a seat across from Roy and Hughes, uncomfortably. Ed was starring at the floor and Al was starring at him starring at the floor while Roy starred at Al starring at Ed and Hughes starred at all of them. Neither one of them knew what to say.

"Sorry…brother is just in a bad mood. That's all." Al explained.

Roy and Hughes nodded and Ed continued his focus on the floor.

"Ok, first of all, our driver tried to flirt with him and when we got off, a guy offered to buy him some ice cream, and we passed this business man who purposely dropped his folder and asked brother to help, while this guy in his forties asked him to take a ride with him in front of his wife and when we got here, a group of teenagers who were drinking offered him some beer and one of them asked him if they could take him home and the guard in front of the bar asked if---"

"I **_THINK_**they get the point, Al!" Ed clapped his hands together and covered Al's mouth with metal shaped like a lemon.

Hughes relaxed and smiled. "So to shorten this, everyone who sees him becomes under his spell, am I right?"

Ed closed his eyes and mumbled "Basically…"

"Wow, then both you and Roy have something in common." Said Hughes.

"But the problem is that I'm a _DUDE_!" He pointed to himself. "GUYS think I'm a hot **_girl_**! But I'm not a girl to begin with! What is wrong with these people!?" Ed banged his head on the table.

Roy was listening to their conversation. "Excuse me if I'm interrupting, but why didn't you reject them?"

Ed looked at him in a funny way. "Well that's because I'm single…I don't want to lie."

Everyone starred at him like he was in a miniskirt…oh wait, he is.

Well, I can guarantee you that every boy in the bar heard him say the last part.

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Ed?" said both Roy and Hughes. Al was still being ignored since he _still_ had a huge lemon stuck in front of his face.

Ed shrugged. "Well...I can assure you that it's me."

"I think he's reached a new level of feminineness…" Hughes whispered to Roy.

Al was struggling hard and pointed to the lemon. Ed turn and couldn't hold in his laugher. "I-I'm so sorry about that…keneeHAHAHA!" He turned him back to normal.

"So what were you about to say?" Ed asked him, sarcastically.

"Nothing…it's just that all the people with the same sex as you are going to rampage over each other to try to flirt with you in exactly four seconds." He looked at the clock and counted.

"What are y---" But it was too late. As predicted, all the guys started to rush over to Ed's table and talk at the same time.

"Hey, I saw her first!"

"No, _I_ did!"

"Shut up, she's mine!"

"Hey, babe, you look hot!"

"That's my line, copier!"

"Who cares?"

"Who wants pictures I took of her?!"

"Oooo! Me!"

"They're five dollars each!"

"I'll take twenty!"

"Hey would you---and it's my treat---so what---and that---well hey---wow how cute---"

"Hey you wanna---I'm really desperate for a girlfriend---please call me---"

"You free Saturday---you wanna go out---I'll dump all my girlfriends---you are so---"

"DAH!" Ed screamed and hid behind Roy. "HOW DID HE TAKE PICUTES OF ME?! I JUST _GOT_ HERE!" he screamed and covered himself.

Roy thought quickly and took action. He grabbed Ed's hand and flipped him into his arms. He ran and dodged flying objects holding Ed bridal style. He jumped into some bushes and covered Ed's mouth. He listened carefully until they were gone.

"Can't…breath!" Ed mumbled under his hand and Roy let go.

Ed concentrated and breathed heavily while Roy let him down gently.

"Sorry. You okay?" Roy asked as he touched the young alchemist's shoulder.

"Dah…" Ed took a deep breath. "Yeah…thanks for getting me out of there."

There was a long pause and the two just starred at each other the whole time.

"Um…so, Fullmetal.." Roy started nervously. "I never got to tell you how cute you look in that."

Ed blinked. "Call me Ed, Roy."

"Oh, right."

"And, thank you. It was actually Al's idea and he mentioned that you'd like it."

"Well I'll have to thank him for that." He replied with a smirk.

Ed blushed and looked at the ground. "Roy...there's something I need to---"

He stopped short when he suddenly felt something brushing against his butt…almost like a hand.

His heart skipped a beat.

"**_YIAHH_**! YOU PERVERT!!"

_SLAP _

* * *

Back at the bar, everyone froze at the shriek. Women were whispering and men dropped whatever they were doing.

_No way._

"Pullin' out the old tricks again, huh?" said Hughes.

"Don't tell me he---" Said Al in horror.

Another scream was heard. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD! STOP RUBBIN' MY ASS!"

"Yup…he did." said Al.

Ed stomped into the bar and took a seat. Everyone's eyes were on him and then on Roy when he walked in and sat next to him. Roy had a red mark shaped like a hand on his cheek.

Ed took a sip and glared at everyone. "And what are you all looking at?!" Something in his voice alerted them to leave him alone. The noise level increased and everything seemed normal…except…well _you_ know.

Al and Hughes looked at each other and decided to go talk to them. On the way, Hughes whispered, "Remember the plan, okay?"

Al nodded and they took a seat.

Ed avoided eye contact with any living thing and played with his straw.

Roy watched cluelessly. "Um...Ed I didn't mean that, I was just checking to see if you were okay---"

"Shut up. You were treating me like some girl you flirt with everyday!" Ed yelled but tried to keep his voice low. "I liked you better when you treated me like…well, **me**!" he hopped of and walked aimlessly toward the bathroom.

He punched the door open and saw a guy washing his face in the sink. The guy looked up and spit out all the water in his mouth. "Just so you know, this is the men's bathroom..." he said, pointing at the sign.

Ed crossed his arms. "Yeah I know! Now let me thro---" He was about to take a step, but froze after he realized that he was dressed as a girl.

"Ack! I'm so sorry about that mister, I-I have bad eye sight please forgive me!" He said frantically in his fake voice and shut the door with a loud _slam_.

_Man…that has got to be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done in my whole life…_

He walked in front of the girl's bathroom. _No...wait. I spoke too soon…_

He opened the door slowly and crept inside. The girl's bathroom was painted with a bright pink color and scented flowers were decorated on the walls. No one was there.

_I think I'm gonna have a nightmare after this…_thought Ed as he went into one and locked the door.

Back with Al, Hughes, and Roy, things were pretty slow. Roy thought for a minute. _So…wait, he wasn't mad that I rubbed his butt, but he was mad that by doing so, I was treating him like a girl?_

His thoughts were interrupted by Hughes. "Roy, I congratulate you on pulling this move, but you did it at the wrong time!"

"Yeah, it was so perfect, why'd you have to ruin it!" Al agreed.

Roy sighed. "Well I was afraid of what he was going to say…so I did the only thing I could think of…which was---"

"THAT? That was the _only_ thing you could think of?" Al demanded.

"Well what would _you_ do in a situation like that?"

"I'd let him talk and take it like a man!"

Hughes snickered, "Or a trashcan…"

"BE QUIET, YOU!"

"Just tell him!"

"But I can't!"

"I'm being ignored again!"

"I got a better idea."

"Huh? What is it?"

"Watch."

Both Hughes and Al turned to see Ed approaching them and sat back in his chair.

"So, Ed. Did anything happen while you were gone?" asked Hughes.

Ed's face turned red and he grumbled something about never going to bathroom again even if his kidney explodes.

"Ppssst, Hughes." Roy whispered, "Don't make him mad."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So, Ed. You want to try some beer?" Roy poured some and handed the cup to him.

Ed frowned. "But I'm only seventeen. Your math is becoming old as you are."

Roy stayed calm and continued to the point. "Just a lazy excuse, I see. You're just scared to drink it." He pulled it closer.

Ed looked at the beer and then at Roy, suspiciously. He shook his head. "I can get thrown in jail for this."

"This is light beer. No worries. It's perfectly safe for you, since you're only one year away."

Ed still seemed unsure, but Roy's offer was convincing so he agreed.

He took it and drank it with three gulps. "It's…bitter, but it's good." Ed said, "Give me some more!"

Roy poured some more and he it disappeared five minutes later. Ed's eyes became dazed and he had the hiccups. "Uh…Roy I don't feel so good..."

Hughes had a beverage himself and Al watched, curiously.

"It's the affect of the beer, Ed. No worries." Roy replied.

"You sure---hey WAIT!" Ed's mind came back to his senses. "Are you trying to make me drunk? Because it's not going to wor---" He tried to stand up but fell back into his seat.

He stared for a while and took the bottle of beer and tried to read the labels. "Damn it! This is really hard beer, you liar! And to think I---" and that's all he could say before he collapsed and fell into unconsciousness.

Roy jumped up and sat next to him. "Hey, hey Ed, Are you okay? Please wake up!" he tried to shake him, but it was no use.

"I thought you had everything under control." Hughes grumbled.

"I thought I did, but I guess he drunk too much!"

Al screamed. "Ahh! What'd you do to brother!!"

The commotion was so loud that it woke Ed up. He sat up and held his hand to his forehead. He groaned, which got everyone's attention.

"Are you okay, Ed? I'm sorry about tricking you, I think you drank too mu---"

"Huh? I'm not Ed. That's a boy's name! Are you confusing me for someone else?" Ed asked.

"What!? But you're my brother!" Al exclaimed.

Ed turned to him. "hehe…you're an oooooold lady…"

Al twitched. "What?!"

"So you want to go to the amusement park? I like chocolate!" Ed jumped up and down in his seat. "What do you want to do? This is fun! Weeeeeee!"

Roy could only watch in amazement.

"You went too far, Roy! Now he's nuts!" Hughes whispered.

Ed stopped jumping. "Oh no! I'm late for my date! Gotta go! Bye!" he ran through the building and onto the dance floor.

"Hey that rhymed!" Hughes said.

"How…nice for you, Hughes." Roy said, uninterested.

"Hey, wait! Come back!" Al screamed and ran after him.

Roy clenched his teeth. "No boy is going to get him before me!" and he started to go after them too.

"…" Hughes stared. "I'll just stay here."

The music was pumping and lots of people were on the dance floor. Ed could easily go through them, since he was so small.

In no time, a boy appeared and got interested. "Hey, you want to dance with me?" he asked.

Ed giggled, "You're so cute! Alright!"

The boy blushed and motioned him to go into the middle of the dance floor. He started to dance but he stopped when he saw Ed watching everyone else.

"C'mon, dance!" he called.

Ed moved closer and whispered. "But I don't know how to dance."

The boy laughed and told him he'll teach him. "Ok, lets try to use your arms, first. Now, wave them and stop them in the beat of the music. Ok, here let me help---" He adjusted his arms and showed an example. "Now you try!"

Ed was unsure at first, but after a while, he was dancing freely along with the other people.

"This is…fun!" the blonde cried and danced some more.

Then slow music suddenly broke out and Ed stopped. The boy was looking at him and he didn't know what to do.

They got together silently and started to slow-dance. In the middle of the song, the boy leaned closer and their lips were just one inch away when Ed pulled back.

"I-I'm sorry…but this just doesn't feel right…" Ed said. "I'm sorry..."

That's when Roy pushed through the crowd and saw Ed holding hands with some stranger. "Ed! Come over here!" He yelled and dragged his hands to another part of the dance floor.

"Ed, how dare you! Why were you dancing with a stranger!"

"I don't know, okay?! And who are you?"

Roy blinked. "Oh…that's right, you're drunk. But that's still not an excuse!"

"Feh, well at least I didn't just let him kiss me! That's a start!" He defended.

Roy held his breath. "He…almost kissed you?"

Ed closed his eyes and crossed his arms. "Yes! But I---"

When he opened them, Roy was walking into a different direction.

"HEY! Where are you going?"

"To kick his ass for trying to steal you from me!" was what Ed heard as a reply.

Ed's heart began to beat faster and faster. And he ran towards Roy and pulled his arm back. "Please Roy don't! He didn't mean it…I mean, he didn't know!!!"

Roy faced him and said, "You know that I would've been jealous even if you're drunk! I don't care, but I'm still going to---"

Ed's face turned red. "You…were jealous?"

Roy leaped back but answered, "No-no…why would you think that?" he laughed nervously.

"But you just said---"

"Forget what I said. I'm just really sorry, okay?"

"Sorry about what?"

"About…" he hesitated.

"About what?!"

"About making you cry okay? I…I set you up and purposely made you come to this party…so I could apologize."

There was a silence. "And…I'm sorry if I made you drunk. It really wasn't meant to go so far..like it did now."

Ed smiled. "You know, you're not the only one who can lie, Roy."

It took only a split second in asoublute silence for Roy's mind to process what Ed just said. "Wha---"

"I'm really pretending to be drunk, just to…mess with your head until you apologize."

Roy was shocked. So shocked that he didn't know what to say.

"And...the answer is yes." Ed took his hand.

"To what?"

"If you'd ever ask me out…that is." The blonde smirked.

Roy blushed and turned away. "Who said I was?"

"Oh, well then I guess you wouldn't want to dance with me on this next song, huh?" and he started to walk away slowly.

"Hey, hey wait!! Okay, you got me...but just don't tell anyone else, okay?"

"Promise, now lets go before today ends, you bastard!" Ed led Roy to the biggest spot in the middle. They took each other's hands and started to move when the song started.

"Just where did you learn how to dance so romantically?" Roy asked, surprised that he didn't step on him yet.

"Oh…just some…books I've been reading..." Ed answered off-handedly.

"You really love books."

"There's something I love more than books actually."

"Really?" Roy pondered for a second. And before he knew it, he felt a pair of lips touching his own. He immediately kissed back and pulled him closer, deepening it. He could feel Ed's soft fingers on his cheeks. It seemed like forever, but they both pulled back and breathed for a second. Ed closed his eyes and let himself fall into his boyfriend's arms and felt it tightening around his body.

"You're…such a good kisser, Roy…"

"It's one of my specialties. And you're not so bad either." Roy replied and they kept dancing.

"Mmm…" Ed fell into a light sleep in Roy's arms. Time didn't matter anymore, and he drifted into deep sleep seconds later.

Roy could feel the pressure of Ed's legs dropping, and so he lifted him up and carried him carefully. He headed back to where Hughes was and laid him down on the couch.

He sighed. "Hey Hughes. Tough night, huh?"

"Yup. Oh here comes Al…" he pointed to the suit of armor running towards them.

"Hey, you got brother back! Whew!"

"Yeah, and it wasn't easy...I had to make a deal." Roy said.

"Hey, brother. Wake up! They're announcing the grand prize winner and I entered you! C'mon! You might get lucky!" Al shook his brother until he was wide-awake and completely annoyed.

"And now, the votes are in and tallied for the big winner of this year's costume party!" The announcer said into the microphone. Everyone waited eagerly for the answer as he unfolded the paper.

"And the winner is…Eve! In the maid's costume! Congratulations!" he announced.

The spot light shined over Ed and everybody clapped and cheered. Ed pinched himself but it wasn't a dream. "I…won? Oh my…I _won_!" he yelled excitedly and ran to the stage.

"YES!" Al squealed.

Roy and Hughes clapped the loudest as the blonde make his way to the microphone.

"And you're prize is…a year supply of fresh mangos! Hooray!!" the announcer yelled into the microphone.

Ed stood there staring at the horror. "AAAAHHHH!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!"

* * *

Ed's eyes shot open and he sat up only to find himself in his bed. He wiped off the sweat and tried to remember everything that happened.

"Is everything okay, brother? I heard you screaming." Al knocked on the door.

"C-come in…"

Al sat beside his bed.

"Al…was that all just a dream?"

"Huh?" he answered.

"The party…the maid's costume…me winning the contest.."

"Oh, that really happened," said Al. "After you took the prize, Roy took you home and you fell asleep."

Ed sat straight up. "So…you mean I really _DID _get mango's as the prize?"

"Oh, you were dreaming that. Your real prize was a hundred dollar shopping spree at the mall."

"WHAT? I don't go to the mall!"

Al sighed. "Well they thought you were a girl, right?"

"I…guess."

After they discussed a little more, Ed started to get up and get dressed. While he was brushing his teeth…

_Wait…if yesterday..was real, then that means---_

He spit his toothpaste all over the mirror. "WE'RE REALLY GOING OUT?!"

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N: **...So this is the difference between two years... o__o


	10. Ch 10: Order in the Office!

**CC ch 10**

-

* * *

Thoughts were racing inside Ed's head on his way to work today_. Ok, stay calm stay calm…what ever you do...just—STAY—CALM!_

"AGHH! How am I suppose to 'stay calm' when Winry's coming over today?!" he yelled and ripped his hair out.

Just this morning, Al had received a phone call from Resembool. Winry was coming over and you guessed it, she doesn't know about the mission or party or relationship---NO they don't have one!

_~ FLASHBACK ~_

Ed was scarfing down three plates of breakfast while Al was chatting on the phone. Ed had returned the maid's outfit back to it's owner just this morning. (Al had convinced him not to burn it.) Now he was in his usual red coat and tight black pants.

"So, since I'll be out for this month, is it okay if Winry stays at your apartment?" Pinako said from the other line, "She capable of taking care of herself, but you know how lonely she gets."

Al stiffened. "U-Um…I'm sorry, but we don't have any room at our a-apartment..."

"Then can she stay at the military dorms? I heard that they have a lot of room there for soldiers." She told him.

_Even worse._ Al thought.

"Okay then…when do we pick her up…?" Al couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Today at 5:00. I'm sorry if this is last-minute." She answered.

Al was half-listening, but he heard the words 'Today' and 'five', so he knew when and where.

After he hung up, he looked at the phone. He ran into the kitchen and yelled "HEEEEELP!" WINRY'S COMING OVER!"

_~ END FLASHBACK ~_

_This is so stupid. The problem isn't me, it's Winry…dammit I know she likes me…and what am I going to tell Roy?! Oh lord—I mean mangos—help me!_ Ed nervously stepped into Roy's office.

But when he opened the door, he got something totally unexpected.

Everyone except Roy who was paralyzed by shock rushed over to Ed.

"Ohmygod, Ed. You need to hear this!" Kain exclaimed and tried to push his way through the crowd.

It was hard to hear since everyone was busy fighting and arguing. But they caught Ed's attention, so he listened carefully.

"While you were at the party yesterday---" Hughes began seriously, shoving Kain to the left.

Breda kicked Hughes in the face and jumped in. "We began our research on who sent you that letter---"

"…and so we traced the mail back to where it was send---" Ross added.

Fuery jumped on top of her. "And the only person who wasn't there that day---"

"---was RIZA!" Havoc exploded.

It took five seconds for Ed's brain to create a sensible response.

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT_**?!"

* * *

Roy raised his hammer and slammed it onto his desk. "Order, Order! Order in the office!"

Everyone continued what they were doing and ignored him.

"I said…_SHUT UP_!" he screamed into the microphone. This time he got everyone's attention, as they all froze in place.

He cleared his throat and adjusted his tie. "We have gathered here today, to finally solve this stupid mystery. As we all may or may not know, Ed got a letter addressed to him telling him to cross dress as a girl and go to grade school---"

_"-cough-_ —high school." Ed whispered next to him.

Roy nodded. "Err…_high school_ to research some information about the homunculus. Now, we accuse Riza Hawkeye of sending this particular letter."

In the background, they could hear Havoc snickering loudly.

"What are you finding so amusing, Jean?" Roy asked boldly. Everyone turned to look at him.

Havoc dropped to the grounds and laughed hysterically. "I-It's just that _–kekekehe-…_you sound funny_...-hehehkeke-_ when you talk all 'smart like'---KeHAAHAAAHAAHAA!" He continued laughing but climbed back into his seat.

"And now we begin the case." Roy announced, ignoring Havoc's comment.

"The court calls Kain to the stand." Roy said pointing to Kain. Everyone watched as he got out of his seat. "_OoooOooo_! Somebody's in tr_ooou_ble." Hughes taunted.

Kain walked up slowly. "Erm...sir, not that this is any of my business, but if you _are_ the court, why would you call yourself the court?"

"Anyways…" Ed cut in, "I'll be asking the questions." He took out a random notebook and opened it.

Ed walked back and forth, reading the questions on the notebook. "Ok…where were you on the morning of December 18th at 12 o'clock midnight?"

"What does that have to do with me?" Kain asked. "And it's July!"

"Psst. Fullmetal, you're reading it the wrong way." Roy whispered.

Ed scratched his head. "Oh…um then, who's your secret crush?"

"What kind of question is that?!" Kain yelled.

Ed shook his head. "I'm the one asking the questions so ANSWER IT!"

"Well…I—" he began.

"**_GUILTY_**!!" Ed yelled and pulled the lever and opened the trapdoor underneath him as he fell into a black hole.

"What the heck was that about?" Roy yelled.

"Ed? Hello?! ED!"

"…_wake up_!"

* * *

Ed slowly opened his eyes as he heard Roy calling his name. He winced as he felt the pain from his head.

"What happened?" he asked, looking at Roy.

"Thank mangos you don't have a concussion." Roy sighed of relief. "You fainted after you found out."

Ed sat straight up and stared at everybody, especially Kain. "But…we were in a court and—and…"

Roy put his hand on the blonde's forehead. "Are you sure you don't have a fever?" he asked.

Ed blushed at the touch. "O-Of course not! I'm fine!" he said and got up to sit on the couch, stubbornly as he waited.

"So where is she anyways?" Havoc asked the kernel.

"I'll call her in immediately to sort this out." Roy told him as he turned on the microphone.

Havoc cracked up_, again_ and told him, "Since when have you learned to talk like that?"

Ed was on the couch, twitching slightly. _This is just like my dream…Roy yelling on the microphone…Havoc laughing…everyone watching…_

"Hell_ooo_? Can I wake up now?" Ed yelled at the roof. "Get me out of here please!" he waved wildly. Everyone looked at him like he just grew two heads.

Feury walked over to him. "This isn't a dream, Ed…"

* * *

Riza finished the last of her coffee and walked down the halls. _It's been three days already…I guess I'm going to lose the bet after all…_

Just then, she heard something echoing in the halls. "Ahem, we're sorry for the interruption, but Riza Hawkeye, please report to Colonial Mustang's office immediately." In the background, she could hear Havoc laughing.

_That's strange…_she thought, but she hurried over to the office quickly. As soon as the door swung open, she got glares from everyone on the room.

Ed stood up and pointed to her accusingly, "Ok, I might be afraid of your gun, BUT WHY DID YOU SEND ME THAT LETTER?!"

"And why didn't you tell us when Al mentioned it?" Breda added.

Riza quickly realized what they were talking about. She chuckled slightly and sat onto the sofa. "Okay, okay. You caught me. I'll explain."

Everyone crouched around her to let her explain. Ed was watching very closely while Roy had a curious expression on his face.

Riza closed her eyes to concentrate. "See, on the day that I was having my break, right after I was dismissed, the Furer called me to his office." She began.

"What could he want?" Havoc whispered to Hughes. Hughes shrugged.

"At first I thought the colonial was in some kind of trouble, but he told me that this didn't involve the colonial. He handed me the letter and let me read it. And of course I disagreed with his choice of action." She defended and looked at Ed warmly.

Ed shrunk in his spot. He was little embarrassed after accusing her like that when he didn't even know the details.

"But he said that this was serious and well…cross dressing was the safest way possible to invest something like this…and unfortunately, Edward was the only person that…" she hesitated, "…Ere..._fit_ the plan. He also made a bet with me that you guys couldn't solve they mystery it in less than three days." She raised three fingers up.

"And so I bet against him and it was on. We kept it our little secret, until…now." She smiled after looking at everyone's face.

They were either shocked, confused, or both. So many questions dammit! So it was Roy took the chance to bombard her with questions first.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? I'm a colonial and in a higher rank," He huffed.

Riza nodded. "Yes that's true, but I don't really trust that you will keep it a secret and…oh I don't know, maybe tease Edward about it for life. I knew that you wouldn't dare try because you don't know the identity of who even mailed him the letter, so that kept you busy thinking inside of 'other' things."

Roy felt himself unable to form words. So he remained quiet.

Then, Ed recovered from his shock from earlier. "So…you won the bet?"

"No I didn't." She replied, "You guys _did_ find out in less than three days, but you found out it was me, not the Furer _and _me. So I owe him."

Ed paused to think again. "So you didn't tell us because of a bet and because you didn't want Roy to tease me about it?"

"Yup."

"One last question." Ed stated. "Does this mean that I really have to do this mission? That it's not a fake? Not a joke?"

"One, that's three questions. And two, yes—you really have to do this mission." Riza told him.

Ed looked at her disbelievingly. "You mean—?"

Riza nodded.

"I have to—?"

"Yes."

Ed stared like forever. His body just won't move. It felt numb with shock. _I'm…going…to school…_ he thought _as a… **girl**_…

He fell down to his knees and laughed nervously. "TELL ME THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!"

"Okay…but if I did, I'd be lying." Hughes said.

"That was a rhetorical question—I mean answer—I MEAN STATEMENT!" Ed roared. His head was so messed up. After that, everyone broke into excitement and chatted loudly.

Riza too out a small piece of paper from her pocket and unfolded it. It was a little wrinkled, but still legible.

She turned to Roy and said, "These are all the details and important information at the school. The Fuhrer alerted the principal there to cut him out of all gym periods because of his automail. And as for the automail, the school will provide long-sleeved tops, gloves, and long socks to cover it. Then Ed will be able to just blend in as a normal freshman."

Roy nodded and examined the sheet. Everything was well hidden and set. This might just work after all.

Riza loaded her gun and shot three bullets to the ceiling to catch everyone's attention. Everyone stopped flat and listened.

"There is just one more problem we need to attend to." She announced. "To made sure that Edward takes care of his identity and keeps from acting like a boy, someone in this group has to go with him as a student too."

Everyone had a wide mouth.

"And no, you don't need to dress up as a girl." She said after five seconds.

Riza turned her head back and forth. Seems like no one wants to go to high school. She couldn't blame them—anyone who messes up their disguise would pay the ultimate price.

"Alright, if no one wants to go, then I will choose for them." She said glaring at each of them.

"Hm…Edward, do you want to choose?" she asked. "Choose anyone of your desire."

Ed blinked and slowly exchanged glances with every one of his teammates.

Feury was gesturing his hand and made an X across his neck while he shook his head frantically.

Hughes pointed to his pictures and have him the 'pick-me-and-I'll-show-you-all-my-albums' look.

Breda was fake coughing and trying to point to Falman.

Havoc was deep in thought. "Maybe I could give it a shot." He said. Everyone's eyes were on him.

"I mean…there must be tons of hot girls in high school. And if I go, then Roy can't. So that means I have them all to myself, without him stealing them!" he pictured himself sitting in a room full of girls and Roy working on paperwork in his office.

"Thinking about a room full of girls without Mustang?" Ed said, annoyed.

Roy thought for a moment._ Hold on…if I go to school, then that means…NO PAPERWORK! THIS IS MY BIG CHANCE TO HAVE A VACATION! _His eyes lit up.

Roy stepped forward. "No, Havoc. You won't be getting any hot girls because you won't be going."

"What? Then who!?" Havoc asked.

Roy pointed to himself proudly. "**ME**. I will happily watch over Fullmetal."

"_WHAT_?" This time, even Riza was shocked. Roy was willing to go to school with his 'so-called' rival? Something's not right…

Havoc shook his head. "No, I called it first, so too bad!"

"But I am your superior, and that means that I am more superior than you and more fit for the job." Roy replied hastily.

"But I'm younger."

"But I look better."

"I will fit in perfectly."

"You smoke for cryin' out loud!"

"So what? A lot of people smoke!"

"Okay, whatever you say, but I still think you'll stick out like a sore thumb."

"So do you!"

"Okay, that's engouh, guys!" Riza tried to calm them down. She pulled the trigger and fired one bullet between the two.

They froze and looked at her. "I will let Edward decide who will go. End of conversation." She said.

Ed didn't look up. He already knew who he wanted to choose, but he was afraid of his reaction. And further more, he couldn't find an excuse to cover for it.

"I-I choose Roy." He stammered aimlessly, hoping that no one would ask.

Falman blinked of confusion. "But why---"

"DON'T QUESTION MY DECISIONS!" he cut him off. "And, I need to talk to you for a second, Roy." He grabbed Roy's hand and fled the room in a hurry.

There was a long pause.

"Is it me, or did he just call him Roy?" Havoc asked.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

* * *

**_~ Review Replies…:D ~_**

A love Malfoy as a ferret: thank you very much! I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

Chibi-Elric-Chan: Wow, I've never seen anyone so siked about one of my stories. You made me so happy! I'm gonna finish this just for you!

Kitsune Cupcake: Thanks! I luv writing humor for some reason! Thank you for reviewing and enjoy!!

Gothic Fangirl:…..um okay?

Aubreyvamp: I know! I just luv the whole Miroku Sango thing. It's so cute I wanted to add it in!

Fullmetal LVR: I'll give you chocolate cupcakes! _(-cough_-title of the story-_cough-)_

* * *

**A/N:** It's very slight, but my writing style's been getting better...


	11. Ch 11: A Dog Eat Dog World

Aaaaand...Winry joins in! :D

**

* * *

~ 4 Fun ~**

Ed: Is this gonna be funny?

Me: Yes it will and get ready for a real scary Al.

Al: ???

Everyone except Al: _-Backs away slowly-_

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

_-_

Ed spotted a nearby closet at the end of the hallway and dragged Roy in. He clapped his hands together and sealed it shut with alchemy.

The blonde took a breath and sat down in the corner. Roy looked around the room curiously. It was a small, airless closet with buckets and paint supplied on the side of the walls, leaving a little space in the middle.

"Ok…despite all that has happened, I have other bad news..." Ed told him.

Roy blinked and leaned over. "There's something worse for you than going to school as a girl?"

Ed sighed. "No, it's mainly bad news for you…"

"Then wh---" He was cut off by an unknown voice coming from Roy's office.

"YOU TWO BETTER NOT START DOING IT IN THERE! I'D MUCH RECOMMEND A BEDROOM!" Hughes yelled. Everyone in the military could hear him loud and clear.

Ed and Roy looked at each other and immediately turned red.

"DAMN IT HUGHES WE'RE NOT DOING THAT!" they both shouted.

"I swear…someday I'm going to stuff those photos of his up his ass." Ed said clenched his teeth.

"I second that." Roy added.

After while, they both blushed. "Err…So what was that you wanted to tell me?"

Ed thought back. "Oh…right. Winry's coming over."

Roy's heart skipped a beat. "You mean that girl who always hands around you?"

Ed nodded.

"Who's your childhood friend?"

"Yeah…" he replied sheepishly.

Roy blinked. "So how is this bad news?"

Ed played around with his feet. "Err…just don't get mad if she…well you know."

"If she what?"

"Well…_you_ know!"

"No I _don't_ know."

"I SAID YOU KNOW IT! STOP PRESSURING ME!"

Roy chuckled. "Okay…I do, I was just messing with you."

He blushed slightly but crossed his arms. "So Ed, are you saying that I'll get jealous…?"

_That's exactly it you moron…_Ed thought. "Of _course_ not…I just wanted to inform you that's all…" he lied. He led out a sad breath at the end of his sentence.

Roy must've noticed it and quickly defended. "But…she better not try anything with you or else!"

"Yeah. So…see you." He grinned as he headed for the door.

"Wait, wait!" Roy called and grabbed his wrist.

"What?" Ed said annoyingly.

Roy leaned over and gave him a small kiss on the lips. He smiled smugly and left, leaving Ed stunned.

"I sort of missed doing that." He heard Roy call to him.

* * *

"Brother aren't you a little nervous that Winry's going to be living with us?" Al asked on the way to the train station. Ed walked along side his brother with both hands in his pockets.

Ed smiled dreamily and replied, "Uh huh…"

"Oh…then is it okay if I asked her to come shopping with us?" he asked again.

"Uh huh…"

"Oh, that's good, because I was thinking we could use the shopping spree you won to buy some girl clothes for your mission." Al turned his head in thought.

"Uh huh…"

"Oh that's really good, brother! I thought you'd disagree."

"Uh huh…"

"Um…you're acting kind og weird ever since you came home." Al stated worriedly.

"Uh huh…" Ed replied in a daze.

"Are you okay?" Al asked.

"Uh huh…"

Al thought for a moment and smiled deviously. Then came— "Do you like milk?"

"Uh huh…"

"Are you kind of girly?"

"Uh huh…"

"Do you swear that you will let Alphonse keep as many kittens as he wants?"

"Uh huh…"

Al snickered under his nose and prepared for the big finish. "Are you short?"

"Uh—_HEY_!" Ed shouted, finally coming back to reality.

"Shoot, so close…" Al muttered under his breath.

Ed glared at his brother. "I WILL **_NOT_** CALL MYSELF SHORT BECAUSE I'M **_NOT_ **SHORT!" he scoffed.

_I should've recorded the rest…_Al thought. But his thoughts were interrupted by the loud noise of train tracks.

"Hey, we're here!" Ed announced.

"C'mon lets go find Winry!" Al cried excitedly and started looking through the crowd of people coming out of the train.

Ed yawned and walked over to the corner and sat down. He was half asleep when he heard Winry's high-pitched voice. "Hey, Ed! Nice to see you!" she waved and carried her luggage over.

Ed rubbed his eyes tiredly and replied with a dull: "Hey Winry..."

Winry frowned but tried to be optimistic. "I got a surprise for you!!"

Al jumped up and down. "Is it a kitty?"

"Wel---" Winry began.

"TELL ME IT'S A KITTY!"

Winry sighed and took out a small box from her luggage. She opened it and out came a…puppy?

"Woof!" it barked, wagging its tail.

Ed and Al's eyes widened in surprise.

Ed's first reaction was, "Aw…it's really small and cute!" he played with it using his finger. The brown and white puppy was overjoyed and rolled over, letting the finger smooth his fur. Then it jumped out of the box and jumped onto Ed's chest, licking his face.

"Stop! C'mon! That tickles!" Ed cried, trying to stop himself from laughing.

Al and Winry stared at them. And stared. And stared.

And stared.

Finally, Al exploded, "HE WON'T LET ME KEEP ONE STINKIN' CAT BUT HE'S OBSESSED WITH _DOGS_?!"

Winry continued staring with disbelief. Ed became uncomfortable and stood up, dusting himself with his hands. He coughed nervously and put it back into the cardboard box. "Sorry you guys had to see that…but I always loved dogs and well…" he smiled innocently, and waited.

Winry's jaw fell to the ground. "But since when?"

"Er…since Ro—Mustang likes dogs…and you see this one time, he asked me to um...take care of a puppy he found on the sidewalk…and so that's how it kind happened…I guess." Ed said nervously.

"YOU HID A DOG IN THE HOUSE AND I DIDN'T KNOW?!" Al shouted in shock.

Ed shrugged. "W-Well…it was raining..and—"

"WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE TIMES WHEN I SAID THAT IT WAS RAINING AND YOU SAID THAT I COULDN'T KEEP A CAT?"

"'Cause…I don't like cats?" Ed tried sheepishly.

"Oh no you didn't…" Al said darkly.

Winry and Ed gulped.

"You DARE insult a kitten and face my wrath!" Al started to chase Ed in a circle.

Ed ran through the crowd and jumped on a few people's heads. "I'm sorry! I'll let you keep a million kittens!" Ed yelled as he ran for his life.

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" Al screamed through the crowd.

Ed kept running…and running…and running…and running…and running…until he collapsed out of breath.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_5 minutes later…_

Al smiled as he carried Ed on his back. "So, you signed the contract?"

Ed muttered a tiny, defeated 'yes'.

"Okay, repeat after me. Cats rule and dogs drool!" Al commanded.

"'Cats rule and dogs drool'…." Ed repeated dully.

"You know, forcing someone against their will is a lot more fun than I thought!" Al said to Winry.

She nodded slowly and continued walking ahead.

* * *

They arrived and Ed was exhausted. He headed straight into his dorm and fell onto his bed. Before his head hit the pillow, he was already asleep.

Winry sat beside him and watched him. _He's really hot…even though he's a little short..._she thought _maybe I should…_she began to lean over to him, but stopped dead when she heard him mumble something in his sleep.

"Roy…" he smiled and hugged his pillow.

_What the…Roy?_ She thought suspiciously _What's going on over here?_

She got up and unpacked her suitcase. _I'll just wait a while…_

* * *

"Sir, I'm here to inform you that Ed's friend from Resemble has arrived." Riza said.

"Dammit…so soon.." he muttered under his breath.

Riza raised her eyebrow. "Sir?"

Roy looked up quickly. "Oh, nothing...where is she right now?"

"In his room…why?" she said.

_Oh man…who knows what she'll do to him in there…_he thought. "Could you send fullmetal into my office for second? I need to talk to him."

Riza tried to hide a small smile. "Alright sir, but only if he helps you finish that pile over there." She pointed to the mile high paperwork on the floor.

Roy nodded happily.

A few minutes later, Ed arrived in front of the office. Winry followed him just the make sure about her suspicions.

Winry peeked slowly at the corner of the hallway and walked slowly, yet casually as she could. She said hi to some people passing by.

Ed walked into the office and greeted Roy sleepily.

"Lt. Hawkeye wanted you to help me with some paperwork." Roy explained. Ed yawned. "Could you wait a while please…I'm kind of tired from running away form Al…"

"Why were you running from him? Did you two have a fight?" he asked curiously.

"Not really…he was just a little upset that I didn't let him bring any cats home but I brought that puppy that you gave me…remember?" he said softly.

"Oh that…" he replied.

Ed sat up but leaned against the sidebars of the couch. He tried different positions, but in the end it always felt uncomfortable.

"Need some help?" Roy offered.

"Yes, please!" he said desperately.

Roy walked over and sat on the other end of the couch. He motioned for Ed to rest his on his lap.

A small blush appeared on Ed's face. "Ok…"

Ed's soft hair spread across both of Roy's legs. He closed his eyes tried to familiarize Roy's scent.

"Do you always have to smell like coffee?" he complained.

"Do you always have to smell like chocolate?" Roy shot back.

"Touché."

_When have they become so…friendly?_ Winry thought as she leaned her ear closer to the door.

Ed's ears perked up when he heard a ruffling noise coming from the door. "Who's there?" he called and waited.

Winry's heart was beating a million miles per hour as she took baby steps away from the door. The door opened slightly, and a tiny puppy crawled inside.

Ed's face lightened up. "Hey, it's that puppy that Winry brought!"

He got up and placed it on his lap. The puppy was hyper and couldn't stop moving around.

"So did you name him yet?" Roy asked as he reached over to pet the puppy.

Ed shook his head, but began thinking. "How about…Coffee?"

Roy hesitated. "Why Coffee?"

Ed smirked. "Because he reminds me of you."

Ed stood up and walked back and forth, imitating Roy. "Dogs get distracted…like you and your paperwork…they are a leader…like you…and you are the 'dog' of the military!" He laughed at his own joke.

Ed fell back down onto the couch and added, "But he's not as warm like you…" He rested his head on one of Roy's shoulders and sighed.

Roy's face turned into the color of a tomato, but he relaxed seeing the puppy jump onto his lap.

He examined it carefully and then nudged Ed. "Actually, I think it looks more like you."

Ed tilted his head sideways, eyeing the dog. "Really? I don't see it."

"Well, for one thing, he's as cute and small like you..."

"Well---HEY WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NOT SMALL LIKE A LITTLE TINY PUPPY!" Ed pouted.

"Ok…fine, you look more like a…cat." Roy admitted. "It's also as small, lazy, determined, smart, and most cats even have your eye color. Try countering _that_!"

"Oh yeah?" Ed screamed, trying to think of a comeback.

"O-Oh _YEAH_?!"

"You can't think of anything, huh?" Roy suggested.

Ed sighed and gave in. "Ugh…fine. But I still think Coffee is a good name!"

While they were having…err, a friendly argument, Coffee was beginning to take interest on the huge pile of paperwork on the floor. He positioned himself, eyes aimed at it, and charged. He crashed into it and the whole pile fell. What seemed like millions of paper flew into the air.

This caught Roy's attention. "Hey, he messed up my paper work!" he ran over and started to pick up each individual piece of paper.

"Damn…I'll never get this done..." Roy said as he piled up some more.

Ed thought for a moment. "Hey, didn't you say that you needed my help doing your paperwork for you?"

"Yes…?" Roy replied uncertainly.

Ed cracked his knuckles and walked over. "Consider this a favor." He said as he clapped his hands together and placed that on the floor. In just a second, all the pieces of paper on the ground were transmuted back onto Roy's desk, in a neat pile.

Roy was amazed. He sat into his chair and took out his pen, ready to abuse his wrist until it was broken.

"You don't need to take out a pen." Ed added.

Roy was confused, but when he looked at the piece of paper o n his desk, it was already signed!

"What the—" He checked every other piece and surprisingly, they were all signed by his signature!

"Fullmetal, what did you do?"

Ed whistled innocently. "Nooooothing…well I guess since you've finished all your paperwork, you can come with me and Winry to the mall this evening..."

Roy agreed and sent the teenager out. "Um, hey Ed!"

Golden eyes looked upon him. "Yeah?"

Roy tried to avoid eye contact. "Erm...thanks for.…you know."

"Thanks for what?" Ed replied sarcastically.

"Well…_you_ know."

Ed crossed his arms. "No, I _don't _know!"

"I SAID YOU KNOW IT! STOP PRESSURING ME!" Roy yelled.

Ed cracked up. "Ha…just like old times…" and left the room. He was so busy laughing, that he didn't notice Winry hiding behind the door.

_I have **got** to stop this…_she thought angrily and followed Ed back to him dorm.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N:** ...so OOC it _burns_!


	12. Ch 12: This Means War!

Bump.

I'm trying less random, more plot. And my writing style is getting more descriptive. I just had the sudden urge to write more descriptivly after reading a conanxai/shinichixshino fic. It's called 'Ai Edogawa'. It's really good, so I guess I based some of the writing here from that story.

(I'm leavining that part up...just so that I can go and check out that fic again...)

**~ 4 Fun ~**

Ed: I don't like wearing dresses.

Me: Deal with it.

Roy: Do you like miniskirts?

Ed: NO!!

Al: Deal with it.

Ed: T__T

* * *

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

-

"Dammit, what is it _this_ time?!" Ed scowled as he kicked the door open with his foot. Not that he didn't enjoy being with Roy, but this was getting pretty annoying.

"Sorry, but you can't blame me for this." Roy answered and pointed to Riza. She held a small, black suitcase which told Ed that this was something important.

He walked until he was in front of her and raised an eyebrow. "What's this all about?"

Riza took a deep breath and began. "This will take a long time, so please take a seat."

Ed nodded and sat down.

She cleared her throat and began to open the suitcase. "Even though you are already femenine, looking like a girl is still going to be tough because you're still a boy, no matter how you put it."

Ed clenched his fist and stood up. "I am not _feminine_!"

Roy sighed. _If he's not going to admit that he's short, why even bother?_ "Just skip the first part, Fullmetal. It won't really matter anyways because you'll still need to do it."

Ed turned to him. All his anger seemed to drain away. "Do…what?"

"You'll find out." Roy replied in a creepy voice.

"Anyways," Riza shot him a glare, "We're pretty lucky that the military's new scientific invention came out just yesterday. It's perfect for your mission."

Ed eyed a rectangular box made out of plastic. Riza opened it and took a small object out.

He narrowed his eyes a bit. "Is that…a pill?"

"In a way…yes." Roy commented before turning around and snickering loudly behind his desk.

Ed raised his eyebrow and turned his attention back to Riza.

"What's so special about it?" he asked as he examined it closer. It had a smooth surface and was about the size of a normal pill. Half of a side was a layer of green while the other was white. It had some small words printed on it.

"This is a pill that is used to restructure in a scientifically accurate amount of time a male's body into a somewhat similar type that females acquire without actually having to change certain parts." Riza said.

"Say wha—?" he asked.

Roy jumped out of his desk and stood beside Riza. "Basically, this turns you into a girl." He shoved the pill into his face.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Ed shrieked and almost yanked Roy's head off.

"Please Edward, all this does is make your eyelashes longer, hair grow about four inches, and make your arms and legs a little thinner and smoother instead of having all that muscle. It also adds a suitable voice so that you'd sound more like a girl." Riza tried to calm him down.

Roy smirked. "And add in some female hormones so you'd actually act more like a girl, not just look like one."

Ed looked at them like they were crazy. Cross dressing was already over the line but now they've taken it to a whole new level.

"It's guaranteed to wear off after a period of time. This one was designed especially for your mission."

"I don't care if you kick me out of the military, I am NOT going to do this!" he yelled and tried to scramble to the door.

Roy thought for a moment and his smirk grew even wider. "Edward…" he whispered in a sexy tone. "Could you do it for me?" he leaned closer.

Ed's eyes widened. He could feel his face getting warm and his heart beating faster. "S-Stop what are you doing..?"

He didn't get to finish because Roy closed his eyes and pressed their lips together in an instant. Ed was shocked at first, but then found himself kissing back shyly.

They pulled back after awhile to focus on breathing.

"So, is that a yes?" Roy asked.

"I've only got one thing to say." Ed huffed.

Riza and Roy waited silentely. Roy could feel the tense air around them growing thicker and slower. Until finally—

"Do I get to keep any of my man parts?" Ed asked.

"…"

They both sweatdropped and nodded.

* * *

Roy handed him a glass of water as the teenager plopped the pill into his mouth. He then grabbed the water and gulped the whole glass down with the pill. "Man…this tastes like crap!"

Ed placed the cup back down and looked at Riza. "So how long is this going to take to put into effect?"

Riza checked her watch. "About 20 minutes tops."

Ed sighed and stared at the floor. "I'm going to miss this body…"

Roy walked over and sat down next to him. "Hey, you're not the only one."

Ed blinked and tried to hide a small faint blush. Riza cleared her throat. "Besides, it's only temporary. And you might even like the way it changes afterwards."

Ed nodded in agreement and rested his head down of Roy's shoulder. For once, he didn't mind.

* * *

Winry was called into the office after that. Or Al had to drag her out of the room if you want to be specific. "Why am I here?" Winry asked puzzled. "Isn't Ed supposed to be doing all the missions and paperwork?"

"I don't have any paperwork. Apparently, the paperwork fairy likes Roy a lot." Ed said. Roy walked behind him and pinched his cheeks. "What was that?" he said clenching his teeth.

Ed laughed nervously. "Err…I meant he doesn't believe in the tooth fairly…?"

Roy let go, "Good enough." Ed crossed his arms stubbornly and cursed under his breath.

Winry's eye twitched. _There they are again…acting all cute and stuff…_

Ed then turned to Winry. Winry jumped back, a little surprised.

"Winry, there's something that I have to tell you that might scar you for life. So…ready?" Ed told her casually.

"Don't worry, he's overreacting." Roy assured her after looking at her expression. "But then again…" he muttered.

Ed shot him a death glare and continued. "Um…I don't know how to say this but…"

Ed looked down in embarrassment. "Tell her, Al."

Al pointed to himself. "Me? Why me?"

"Just do it!"

"You're not the boss of me." He said quickly.

"Alphonse! Pleeease!!" Ed gave him a sad face.

"No!" Al protested. "You didn't let me keep Fluffy! This is revenge!"

"Please with a cherry on top?! With Chocolate syrup, rainbow sprinkles, strawberry juice, banana yogurt, two drops of lime juice, eight different colors of fat whip cream, plus oreo crumbs, double choco-chocolate brownie slices with chocolate chips, and almonds?!""

There was a pause.

"I don't even know if you know what we're talking about, but that sounds delicious!" Al squealed.

Ed gave in and groaned. "Al….Fluffy ran away remember?! I didn't do anything!!"

"Fluffy!" he snapped.

"But—!"

"REVEEEENGE!"

Everyone backed away slowly.

"Fine, how about I treat you to one of those super mega ultra gigantic sundae…um this Sunday?" Ed tried.

"Hm…you're forgetting that I can't eat in this armor."

"I can pour it down your head if you want." Ed grinned.

Al gave him the 'stop-joking-and-don't-you-dare-continue-because-I'm-way-more-mature-and-taller-than-you-are' look.

Ed sighed. "Fine, then I'll eat it for you, happy?"

"_BROTHER_!"

Roy slapped his forehead and sighed. "Arg! We don't have all day!" he stepped forward and whispered something in Winry's ear.

"So you're mainly going to help him buy some girl clothes at the mall today understand?" Roy said.

Winry's expression was still blank as a piece of paper. No one could tell what she was going to do next.

Ed tugged tightly on Roy's sleeve. Roy took no notice and stared at the blonde in front of him. Al was just…kind of there.

"Could you excuse me for a second." Winry said and walked out of the room. The door slamed loudly and Winry bursted into laughter. They could hear her from the other side of the wall.

Ed opened the door a tiny bit and peaked out. "Done?" he asked.

"No." she replied and continued to roll on the ground, hitting the floor with her fist while laughing.

After ten minutes, Winry finally opened the door and closed it like nothing happened.

She cleared her throat loudly. "Okay, I'm done."

"S-Scary…" Roy whispered to Riza.

Ed fake coughed a little and asked, "So…Winry. Will you do it?" Everybody stared at her again.

Winry forced a fake smile. "Sorry, but I'm not sure I can." She said sweetly. Ed's face fell and looked at Riza.

"Well, there's always an alternative." Riza suggested. "The colonial can go with you. Even though he is a man, he's dated lots of girls so he should have a sense of what they're wearing these days."

Ed ears perked up. "Really? Seriously?" he exclaimed excitedly. Ed blinked. "Err…I mean, really…_seriously_?" he said in an irritated tone.

"Okay then, lets go Roy!" he grabbed Roy's arm and headed for the door. Only to be blocked by Winry.

"Hold it, hold it!!" Winry said sharply. She put her hands on her hips and glared straight at them. "Just where do you think you're going?"

"The mall?" Ed answered lamely.

"Fine, then I'm coming with you!" She pulled the edge of Ed's shirt towards her, making him lose grip of Roy's arm.

Roy could feel himself losing his temper inside. _She is so dead…_

Ed walked with great discomfort. "But I thought you said—"

"Forget what I said!!" she smiled and charged forward. "C'mon, I'll lend you one of my outfits when we get back to your dorm."

Ed's eyes widened. "Why would you lend me one of your outfits?"

Winry laughed. "You must be joking! Don't you know that by the time you get there, you'll look like a girl? People will recognize you if you're dressed like that." She teased.

"Oh, you've got a point there.." Ed admitted. Then he stopped walking. "Wait...just what kind of clothes do you have in that suitcase…?" He asked nervously, remembering all the frizzy pink dresses that she owned.

"Are you thinking that I'm going to let you wear one of my pink frizzy dresses?" Winry guessed sarcastically.

"Um…no. Of course not! W-why would I think that…?" he lied.

When they got to the room, Winry scrambled inside and nearly attacked her suitcase. Seconds later, different colored clothes were flinging out from the suitcase everywhere. Some landed on top of the bed, some hung from the chairs, and one landed on Ed's head.

"DAH I CAN'T SEE!" Ed yelled and ran around the room, crashing into things. That is, until he bumped into Roy. Roy smirked and took it off of him. He crouched down so that they could meet each other eye to eye. "I think you're voice has started to change, Ed."

"Huh…" Ed raised his eyebrow. "It does sound kind of higher. More feminine." Roy grinned. "That means that it's working!"

Ed pushed Roy away and folded his arms. "Winry, did you find one yet?" He called.

Winry kept rummaging through her suitcase furiously. "Damn…I think I packed it somewhere on the bottom…"

After a few more minutes of flying clothes, Winry finally exclaimed, "Yes, here it is!"

She took it out gently and showed it to Ed and Roy. "It's my favorite orange tank top! And these are some casual jeans to go under." She mumbled as she took out a pair of sandals. "And these cute, white sandals. I never leave home without them."

Ed examined the clothes in Winry's hands. They were okay. He expected something totally embarrassing like oh…say a FRIZY PINK DRESS maybe? But the tank top was a little small. It looked pretty tight and revealing.

"Winry…that top. It's kind of…" but before he could finish, Winry threw a silk, white scarf at him. "That matches the sandals. And oh, I think I packed a white hair band in here somewhere."

Ed looked at Roy and shrugged. _Oh well…I guess this'll be alright. _

Roy sighed, looking at the clothes that Winry chose. Mostly at the jeans.

"What wrong?" Ed asked concerned.

Roy blinked and frowned. "Well…I just don't like the jeans very much." He blushed and hung his head down. "I was kind of hoping that she's chose a miniskirt."

Ed flinched and his face reddened. "Pervert." He muttered.

* * *

Winry then pushed Ed with all her energy into the bathroom. "H-hey, what are doing? Don't tell me you're going to put make up on me! I am _not_ going through that again!" he tried desperately to escape. But Winry managed to get him in there quickly before he complains again.

She slammed the door shut once he was in there and heard the doorknob tightly. "Get into those clothes first and then we'll see if it's right for you." She called. Complaints were heard from the other side.

Roy sighed and took a seat on one of the beds. The mattress was quite soft. He had to admit that the military gave better quality then expected. He sniffed the air and recognized Ed's scent. It was all over the bed. He relaxed and enjoyed the moment. This is probably the only chance he'll ever get in his lifetime, why waste it?

He took an apple from the bedside and started eating it. It was really juicy and sweet. He smiled to himself. It reminded him of Ed, hardcore on the outside, but sweet on the inside.

"I'm done!" Ed yelled in his new voice. He stepped out of the room to show everyone.

Roy chocked on his apple.

His eyes were never so shocked before. Roy slapped himself mentally before his mind went blank. _I hope I don't get a nosebleed after this… _

Even Winry gaped a little. She didn't say anything but examined him from top to bottom. _Wow…I think he's prettier than **me**… _

While Winry and Roy continued to…have inner conversations with their thoughts, Ed looked at his reflection on the mirror.

His shoulders were less broad and his arms were both less muscular._ Just like Riza said.. _Ed thought. Then he realized that his chest seems empty. _What am I going to do about the breasts…?_ He put his hand on his chin and began thinking. He ran inside the bathroom and opened a box full of cotton. "Yeah, this should do it…" he said to himself.

* * *

He walked out once again, only to have two eyes on him again. He shook his head of disapproval and sighed. "There's something missing…but I just can't seem to tell." He said as he sat besides Roy.

"Hm…oh right, the hair!" he exclaimed. "I need to change my braid into something that girls often tie their hair up in." He looked at Winry.

"So, what do you think I should do?" he asked.

She pondered for a moment, imagining Ed with long hair, two ponytails, curvy hair, lots more. "One ponytail." She answered. "It's simple and original, but it looks good."

"Kay." Ed replied and went to get that white hair band Winry was talking about earlier.

He returned with a brush in his hands. He eyed Roy for a long time and finally got up and asked. "Could you um…" he shifted nervously. "…brush my hair for me, p-please?"

"Loved to!" Roy said happily.

Winry could feel jealousy controlling her hormones. "Can I do it for you?" she blurted out.

Ed and Roy stared at her.

"No, it's okay. I'll do it." Roy said.

"I insist." Winry said politely through her clenched teeth.

"He asked me first!"

Ed coughed loudly to stop the 'friendly' argument they were having. "If you want, you can both brush my hair..."

Winry and Roy each gave each other death glares before nodding. Ed could feel the tension in the room.

"Here Winry." He tossed her another brush while Roy picked up the one on his lap. Ed took the hair band out and let his braid slowly spread apart. "Hm…I think my hair just grew longer."

Roy and Winry each took one side and started to stroke it gently. Winry tried to get all the tangles and messiness out using her brush. Roy stared at it and wished he could be brushing it with his hands.

_Oh well, it's worth a try… _he thought and lifted his hand to stroke the blond hair. It was so smooth and soft like silk. His finger tickled at the feeling.

"Who's doing it on the left side?" Ed asked.

"Uhh…me?" Roy answered nervously.

"It feels good…can you keep doing it?"

Roy smirked. "Sure." Ed could sense the smirk in his voice. But continued to look straight forward.

Point one for Roy.

* * *

When they were done, Ed looked…nothing like Ed. Who knew just a change in clothes and a pill could change a person so much? Mostly the pill did it.

Ed tied his hair up in a ponytail and flattened his shirt. He looked at the mirror one last time before grabbing the shopping spree he won and heading out the door. They were off to the mall.

While for Roy and Winry, the mall stands for another battleground for their war. Winry was thinking of putting Al in charge of keeping track of the scores.

Let the war begin.

* * *

Back in Roy's office, Al felt a strange sense of disturbance. "Something wrong, Alphonse?" Riza asked.

"It's…nothing. I just feel like there's some sort of a war going on and one of the people who's involved wants me to keep score..."

Riza stared at him like he was insane.

_

* * *

_

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N:** ...I'd really hate to be a beta. Seriously.


	13. Ch 13: Inner Conflicts Part I

**

* * *

**

**~ 4 Fuuunnsf345/a;dkf. blehhhhh ~**

Me:_ -snores- _Too...lazy...to type...4 fun...sectiionnn..

Ed: C'mon pick up that lazy ass! Typetypetypetype!

Roy: You're hyper today, Ed.

Al: ...

* * *

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

**-**

There was a lot of people in Central today, mostly because it was Saturday. Teenage boys and girls Ed's age could always be found on the streets. It was warm, but not too hot. Cars and trucks passed by making loud noises and commotions. They couldn't find a driver, so they had to walk to the mall, which was going to take a long time.

Ed growled and looked straight forward, walking as fast as he could. "Those _FREAKS_!"

Winry sighed and Roy nodded in agreement. They tried to catch up with the blonde.

"If one of those assholes tries to 'flatter' me again, I swear on my father's grave that they will be buried next to him while I kick the grave stone and laugh like a maniac!!" Ed yelled, flames were surrounding him.

Roy flinched and stood back a little.

"Ed, please don't curse in public…" Winry said.

"This is a damn free country! You're pissing me off even more!" Ed shot back.

For once, Roy felt sorry for Winry. "It's better if you don't try, it'll just makes it worse."

Winry huffed and crossed her arms. "I just don't get it...people don't pay much attention to him when he's a boy…but now that he's dressed as a girl, boys are drooling all over him!"

"It's almost like he can attract the same number of boys like I can on girls." Roy thought out loud.

Ed turned around. "Not helping!"

"Are you sure that pill didn't turn him _all _girl?" Winry whispered to Roy. "He just might be cranky because of PMS..."

Roy's eyebrow twitched. "No, he's always like that."

"HEY, I CAN HEAR YOU!" Ed glared at them.

"Yeeeeeah…" Winry replied. _"-cough-_ PMS _-cough-_."

* * *

"Ed! Slow down will you?!" Winry called. They were almost at the entrance of the mall.

Ed stuck his tong out and made a face. "Like that'll ever ha---" He was cut off when he felt himself bump into something.

"Sorry miss, are you okay?"

He looked up and recognized the voice. "Russel?!"

Russel raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes….that's me. How do know my name?"

_Dammit...still tall as usual..._

Ed gulped and took a step back. "Uh…uh…you know Edward Elric, right?" He nodded and saw Roy and Winry's figures behind him.

Roy sweat-dropped seeing who it was. (1) Winry tilted her head. She didn't meet Russel and Ed didn't tell her about him, since no one ever tells her anything.

_Uh oh…this is bad. _He thought as he walked and stood besides Ed.

"Hello Russel, nice to see you. Is you're brother here with you?" Roy asked politly.

Seeing that it was Roy, his face lightened. "Colonial Mustang, how nice to finally meet you." He shook hands with him. "I've heard many stories about you. I guess Ed doesn't like you very much. He talks about you all the time."

"Oh really?" he replied and couldn't help himself from showing a smirk.

Ed's face turned crimson.

"Uh, em…" Ed coughed loudly. "I'm Ed's...cousin. I was just stopping by over here."

Russel grinned. "Well you do look a lot like him. But you're attitude is the opposite of his. What's your name?"

"Eve." Roy answered for him. Ed glared at him. He muttered something that sounded like 'I can answer by myself thank you very much…'

"It's nice and short. It fits well." He commented…or that's what he thought.

Ed clenched his teeth and hung his head down. "My name isn't short." He said through his gritted teeth. "_Your _name is short!"

"Ok…?" he replied with a sweat-drop.

* * *

The four decided to explore the mall together as a group, much to Ed's disliking. However, they will need to split up once in a while to go into different stores.

"So…Russel. What are you doing here?" Winry was beginning to catch on. _He must be one of Ed's rival/friends he made during his missions. _She thought, putting together all the common sense.

"I'm here to buy a present for my little bro's birthday. It's next week I think." He began as he walked through the huge building.

_Huh…he has a little brother. _She stared at Ed, who was still pouting. She smiled. They were kind of alike, both with little brothers and all.

"And who might you be?"

"I'm Winry, Ed's childhood friend, coming for a visit." She introduced.

"Wow, lots of people coming this time of year." Russel said.

While they were having another conversation about discussing both their ways of torturing Ed, Roy and Ed were falling behind. They were busy dealing with their own…situation.

There was one very bad problem when it comes to Ed and Roy.

Boys keep following Ed, and girls keep following Roy. Trailing behind their backs, waiting to make a move.

Ed had to pull down his shirt four times after looking at a boy's evil little eyes. Roy was used to girls chasing him around, waiting to give him their phone numbers, but he wasn't used to boys following Ed around.

And Ed ain't so happy about it either.

"Make it stop…" he groaned.

"Shh…I think they are about to make their move." Roy said.

One of the girls rushed over and walked besides Roy. She winked and smiled at him. "Hey, handsome. You want to grab something to eat?"

Roy knew he should've rejected her. But the one thing he hates is disappointing someone. He didn't want to hurt her either. "Alright, but wait a second."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god. I really thought you two were going out."

She didn't mean Ed and Roy, right?

Right…?

But she did, which made both of them stiffen.

"Me and him? N-no way…" Ed replied. His stomach did a flip-flop.

That hurt. Even though he didn't mean it, it still did. Roy was confused.

"That's good, because I was thinking that you were too young for him. You're kind of short for a freshman." The girl teased.

What happened next you ask?

Did Ed, A) Yell out something completely random ranting about his height?

B) Want to strangle her from the inside but couldn't do anything since he was in disguise?

Or, C) Say something mean to her and drag Roy away?

And the answer is…D) NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Winry and Russel stopped talking to see what's going on. Roy prepared himself to call 911 after he beat both of them up.

Instead, Ed surprised them all. He turned around and simply walked away.

Winry was surprised that he didn't let up any steam.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm only 17 and he's 29." He whispered sadly. "You guys go and have fun."

The girl blinked. "You're 29? Well that's a little old, but it'll do since I'm 21." She giggled and pulled on Roy's arm.

Roy didn't budge. He was still recovering from shock. "Ed, are you sure about this? You don't need to force yourself."

He stopped walking. "No, I insist. I'll be fine." Then he started walking again until he disappeared amongst the crowd.

Winry and Russel took a last look at Roy and followed him. "Don't worry! It's just the hormones! He'll be back normal in no time!" Winry told him. Her voice trailed off and all Roy could see was two yellow blurs.

"So, how about pizza at that Italian restaurant on the corner?" the girl cried exactly. Roy was worried about Ed.

_He shouldn't act like this even with the hormones. Not even fate itself can make him admit that he's short and then walk away like nothing happened. _He thought as he walked with his date for the evening.

_I need to talk to him. _He pleaded. His thoughts were broken when he accidentally crashed into a poll. "**_OW_**!"

* * *

Perfume filled the air and it stung Ed's eyes while he walked. He didn't know where he was. And he didn't care. He didn't go to the mall very often, only to buy some jackets. That was all. He never once bothered to even look at the map. He was very lucky to have run into the clothing section of the mall.

"I minus well pick up some clothes while I'm here." He said, looking at the shopping spree in his pocket.

He sighed. There's a perfectly good explanation for why he did what he did. He wasn't going to tell anyone soon enough.

Hands in his pockets, he wandered into a store full of colorful clothing. Lots of teens (Older than him though) were searching through the piles.

_It must be pretty good to have so many customers._ He thought and went in.

"Excuse me, but could you help me find some decent clothing?" he asked one of the shop ladies. "I'm not very good at picking out clothes…"

She smiled and leaded him into the corner of the shop. "I see that you are a tomboyish type?"

_You don't know the half of it… _he thought and nodded.

She picked out a blue pair of jeans, with strips and some jewels embarked on the side. "How about this one?"

Ed shook his head. "I already have a pair of jeans. I'm looking for something different please."

The women thought for a moment and looked through some more. She took out a very tiny white miniskirt. It had a flower petal design at the side. "We're selling these half off today. I think this should fit you well."

Ed stared at it and blushed. "But that's k-kind of-."

Before he got to finish, the women lifted it up to show him. "I know that there are many boys that would just love to peek under there, but this one has a pair of shorts underneath, so you don't have to worry about that."

"In other words, this is a skort (2)." She explained.

Ed's eyes light up. "This is perfect! I'll take it!" He handed her the money. After he bought it, the shop lady convinced him to change into it in their changing rooms.

He stepped out of the store and thanked her.

"The guy who invented these must be a genius!" he said as he walked without worry.

* * *

Winry and Russel decided to split up. They would each search half of the floor.

Russel searched all the clothing stores first, since Winry told him they were here to buy him clothes. "I'm looking for a girl who's about this tall, has blond hair, and was wearing an orange top!" he asked the shopkeeper. He was about to give up hope after asking about seven.

"Oh, you just missed her! She went that way." The women pointed in the direction of the food court.

He nodded and ran for it.

He rested on a bench after ten minutes. "Old hag…she was lying." He said catching his breath. Then he look up when he heard Ed's voice.

"I'm not going out with you, I'm not going to give you my phone number, I don't want to make you're girlfriend jealous, and _I AM NOT **SHORT**_!" he yelled at the boy in front of him. Must've been the hundredth one today…

"Go away and leave me alone!" he pointed to another place.

Russel rushed over after the boy finally went away crying. Ed felt kind of guilty afterwards. "Okay…I'm sorry about that! Stupid pill…" he stomped off and took a seat on a bench.

Russel sat down besides him looking concerned.

Ed noticed his presence right away but didn't move. "Look, I'm not in the mood."

Russel frowned. "I'm not stupid, Ed. I know everything."

Ed's eyes widened and he turned to him. "Everything…?"

"Yes, everything." He said boldly. "I know that you're Ed, and that you're pretending to be a girl."

Ed looked down disappointed. "Oh, that…"

"Care to explain?" he demanded.

"How did you figure it out?" he asked, ignoring his question.

"I used basic skills and common sense, concentrating on both of you're heights and looks, similar attitudes..._aaa_nd I heard Mustang call you Ed." he finished.

"That idiot!" Ed yelled. "I'm going to call Hawkeye to give him triple the paperwork he has due on Monday!"

"...Anyway, Why---I mean how did this happen..?"

"Wel---" Ed began.

"Hold on, I'll probably never get another chance like this." He interrupted. "You're not only short right now, you're also cross-dressing! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" he rolled on the floor laughing. People stared at him.

Ed stood up with his hair on fire. "IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Yes it is!"

"Grr…Well you're…_UGLY_!"

"You should change your name to Edoooo-chan!!"

"SHUT UP, ASSWIPE!"

* * *

**A/N:** ... -___-

* * *

_DELETED SCENE ALERT _(**after the beginning of the chapter**)

* * *

There was a lot of people in Central today, mostly because it's Saturday. Teenage boys and girls Ed's age could always be found on the streets. It was warm, but not too hot. Cars and trucks passed by making loud noises and commotions. They couldn't find a driver, so they had to walk the the mall, which was going to take a long time. What could possibly go wrong?

Ed growled and look striaght forward, walking as fast as he could. "Those _FREAKS_!"

Playback, the question should be, What _couldn't_ go wrong?

Winry sighed and Roy nodded in agreement. They tried to catch up with the blonde.

"If one of those assholes tries to 'flatter' me again, I swear on my father's grave that they will be buried next to him while I kick the grave stone and laugh like a maniac!!" Ed yelled, flames were surrounding him.

Roy flinched and stood back a little.

"Ed, please don't curse in public…" Winry said.

"This is a damn free country! You're pissing me off even more!" Ed shot back.

For once, Roy felt sorry for Winry. "It's better if you don't try, it just makes it worse."

Winry huffed and crossed her arms. "I just don't get it...people don't pay much attention to him when he's a boy…but now that he's dressed as a girl, boys are drooling all over him!"

"It's almost like he can attract the same number of boys like I can on girls." Roy thought out loud.

Ed turned around. "Not helping!"

"Are you sure that pill didn't turn him _all _girl?" Winry whispered to Roy. "He just might be cranky because of PMS.."

Roy's eyebrow twitched. "No, he's always like that."

"HEY, I CAN HEAR YOU!" Ed glared at them.

"Yeeeeeah…" Winry replied. _"-cough-_ PMS _–cough-."_

Ed stopped walking and before you know it, he was right in front of Winry. "I'll _TELL_ you why! It's because of that fucking pill that tastes like shit!! It gave me more fucking hormones!" Ed pointed a finger at her. "And one minute, I'm shy and quiet, then mad, then sad, then calm, then stubborn, then gullible, then forgiving, then nice, then snobbish, then emo for some reason!!!"

"GAHH! This is _killing_ me!" he shrieked into the heavens.

Roy chuckled under his breath. "Well, we'll make sure you're buried next to your father. I'll even buy some flowers for you."

Ed's expression turned blank. What happened next, well…killed Roy and Winry.

He smiled cutely and jumped up and down. "Aw! Don't be so mean you meanie! I'd like some rare blue daffodils placed on my grave please!!" Stars were literally coming out his eyes.

Roy didn't know when his jaw hit the floor, but it happened pretty fast. Winry's did the same.

"Don't be like that!" Ed giggled. "Lets all be friends! Like they say, violence is not the answer, we should talk about our feelings!"

After that…Roy and Winry died a second time.

"He turned into a safe, bright, optimistic, happy, goody-goody!" Roy said, his mouth still hung open.

Ed paused for a second and looked up. "Oh, look at the time, like…we got to go!"

"Huh?" the both replied.

Ed placed his hands on his hips. "Well if you're like not going, then whatever..." he started walking ahead.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Winry asked.

"No…" Ed said in a low voice.

He turned around and tears were streaming down his face. "What if something's wrong with me!?" he cried. "I'm ruined! I have diabetes!!" gallons of anime tears piled up onto the road.

Roy's heart felt like it stopped. Winry fainted.

Ed slapped himself. "Kill me now."

Winry got up and Roy breathed in.

"Well, at least we know that's the real Ed…" he said and took another deep breath.

Ed's eyes expressed no happiness whatsoever. Just a block of gold mist.

"Seriously, kill me now." he repeated in monotone. "I have no reason of living. I hate this place. I hate this world. People keep calling me short. What's the meaning of life if you're not tall?"

Roy choked on air and Winry gasped.

Ed blinked once and tapped his chin.

"Not again!" Roy moaned. He had enough shock for one life time.

"What could be this time?!" Winry muttered. "Don't tell me it's going to be—!"

"Pardon, but of all that is British, I command more tax on tea!" Ed bowed down and waved a salute. "Tally-ho, everyone!"

Winry could've just punched the sense into him, but like Roy, was too shocked to move.

"I _say_…you're not _mad_, are you?" Ed asked after taking a look at the two people.

"Mad? As in angry?" Roy raised his eyebrow.

"No, no…it means as in crazy." Winry corrected.

"Then Ed is mad right now."

"You said it."

Ed took a deep breath and spotted something His eyes widened and leaped back. "ACK! GET IT AWAY!" he shrieked and hid behind Roy.

Winry walked over and squinted. "An…ant?"

Even the ant seemed the sweat-drop.

"THAT IS SO DISGUSTING! EW EW EW EWWWW Ewwwww!" Ed shook his arms frantically.

Roy, Winry, AND the ant sweat-dropped.

Ed tripped and fell on his head.

"Ow…that hurt." He said rubbing his head. He straightened his back and took a deep breath. Then came— "AND NOW FOR MY PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!! MUAHAHAhahahahahaa _-hack- -cough-_!" His fingers wiggled while he laughed.

"I thought he said he'd laugh like a maniac after he kills his father…" Winry muttered. Roy tried to control himself from cracking up. C'mon…Ed? A villain? _Please_. Villains are suppose to be tall and huge.

He turned around to Winry. "And now I shall kill you first. Your five thousand wrenches of doom stand no change against my mighty auto-mail!! BUAHhahaaa!" he said pointing his index finger at her.

Winry slapped her forehead. "_I'M_ THE ONE WHO GAVE YOU THE AUTOMAIL!" She took out a wrench from her pocket and smacked him in the head.

Ed fell backwards, but was saved by the wall. "Ehh…"

"This is really getting out of hand. I wonder what happened ten minutes after we left the room…" Roy had a flashback.

_~ FLASHBACK ~_

Right before the trio was about to go outside, Winry suddenly remembered something. "Oh no…I forgot those coupons I've been saving!"

"I have to go get it! You guys stay here." She said and started to run through the halls.

Right after she left, Roy suddenly remembered something. "Shit! I forgot to deliver those papers to the mail! Hawkeye's going to kill me!" he panicked.

"Stay here Ed and _don't move_." He commanded and ran into the opposite direction of Winry.

So they left Ed alone by himself near the exit. And Ed, we all know, is not the type of person to listen to anyone.

So he got bored and walked outside, skimming the stores to kill time. Then he saw a sign which caught his curiosity. '_FREE SAMPLES TODAY ONLY!_'

So he crossed the street, almost got hit by a car, and went in.

After he was done, Roy and Winry were already waiting for him back at the door. "Where were you?" they both demanded after Ed got back in.

He smiled. "Just browsing stores."

At that time, Roy didn't suspect anything and let it slide. And that's where it all began.

_~ END FLASHBACK ~_

"So…then lots of boys were drooling all over him as we walked and he said, 'Those _FREAKS_!' and then we tried to catch up. He said something about killing those assholes and burying them besides his father's grave…then Winry's like all 'I don't get it!' and then I was like saying something about comparing…and she's like 'PMS, PMS!'…and that's when we had the flashback." Roy finished.

"Mr. Mustang…this all happened. In simple terms, **_WE KNOW_**!" Winry yelled.

"Did I mention that lots of boys were drooling all over him?" Roy asked.

Winry gaped. "Ugh…I'm the only sane person in here."

While Roy was having his flashback, Ed turned into a shy and quiet girl. He was moping around while they talked.

"Those tasted so good…" Ed remarked after reading the flashback.

Winry and Roy stopped arguing. Their ears perked up.

"There's something in that statement that's bothering me…" Roy said dumbly.

"Ed…you said something about tasting?" asked Winry. We all know who has the common sense.

Ed smiled shyly. "Y-yeah. And could you s-stop starring at me?"

Winry blinked once. "What did you taste?" Roy watched as Ed was about to say something when he burped. His face turned red. "Sorry…"

(**A/N:** How about now? Here is some free space for your thinking. When you are done, scroll down.)

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The smell of liquor filled the air and got to Roy's nose. His eyes widened. It suddenly hit him. "EDDDD!" he exclaimed angrily.

The quiet and shy Ed looked up frightened.

"YOU WERE DRINKING FREE SAMPLES AT THE BAR ACROSS THE STREET AND GOT DRUNK WITHOUT US NOTICING!" Roy pointed at him accusingly.

"So _that's_ why!" Winry said thoughtfully. "Alcohol plus a load of hormones equals…" she was too afraid to say the answer.

"This." Roy finished, addressing Ed as if he was a thing.

All Ed could do was try to get away unnoticed. He crawled away slowly and ran for it.

Winry and Roy both heard the sound of footsteps. "ED! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Ed bit his lip. "I'm sorry! I forgot to tell you! Honest!"

Winry and Roy ran after him. "COME BACK HERE AND FACE US LIKE A MAN!"

Awkward pause.

Ed laughed nervously and yelled. "I'm kind of dressed as a girl over here!"

Nice.

* * *

_END CHAPTER...FILLER...THING..._


	14. Ch 14: Inner Conflicts Part II

**

* * *

**

**Chocolate Cupcakes**

**-**

"Russel…?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Did you ever happen to be in love with someone but is confused whether you should be with that person?" Ed asked, trying to block out any specific names.

Russel scratched his head. "Well, there was this one time with my girlfriend---"

"I feel sorry for the poor fool." Ed muttered.

"Shut up!" he snapped. "And for all you know, we were a very good couple. People could tell."

Ed laughed and gave him a hint of sarcasm. "I still can't believe someone like you could get a girlfriend!"

"And _I_ can't believe someone like you could get a _boyfriend_." He smirked, which made Ed stiffen.

His face darkened at the mention of that. "And what happened between you two?"

Russel sighed and shook his head. "I guess we really weren't a very good couple."

Ed turned to face him. "Then…does that mean that me a-and Roy aren't really meant to be…?"

"That's for you, and him to decide."

There was long, silent pause after that. Neither moved or spoke.

Ed tried to hide a tiny smile. "Then…thank you. I needed someone to know."

He returned it by patting the teenager's back. "Well, I got go go drag you with me to tell Winry that I 'accidentally' bumped into you."

Ed huffed and crossed his arms. "You know, I'm still not forgetting all those times you called me short."

"You counted?"

"Well…in total, including yours and everyone I've met in my life…" he calculated in his mind. "Exactly 358639 times."

Russel twitched a bit and couldn't help but burst into laughter…again, making the crowd stare at them two.

"Th-th-_THREE HUNDRED THOUSA_—!" and he was knocked out cold after Ed smashed him with his shiny new hammer that appeared out of nowhere.

* * *

"Ed! Russel!" Winry called as she ran across the mall. "I can't believe I lost Russel too!"

Just then, she saw a tiny figure carrying a taller figure on top of his back.

"Hiya, Winry!" Ed grinned and waved.

Winry ran to them and stopped. "Is it me or did colonial Mustang just buy you the tiniest miniskirt in history?" she said after looking at what he was wearing.

Ed flushed red. "NO I DIDN'T, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I BOUGHT THESE JUST BECAUSE HE SAID HE LIKED REALLY TINY MINISKIRTS?!" he yelled, completely not noticing that he just dropped Russel flat on his face.

**_THUMP_**

Awkward pause.

Winry laughed nervously and pointed behind him. Ed turned around slowly.

"Oh…sorry Russel." Was all he could manage.

Russel got to his feet, with a red mark on his face. "You're a dead man—err, women, Edward Elric." He said in a scary voice.

Ed gulped and ran like hell.

"GET BACK HERE EDO-CHAN!" Russel yelled.

Winry put her finger on his lip. "Wait a minute, how did know that it was Ed…? _What the—he **knows**_?! she gasped.

"WAIT RUSSEL! YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON USING THIS FOR BLACKMAIL, RIGHT?" she called, trying to catch up with them.

* * *

Roy sighed and buried his face in his plate. The girl, who we now know goes by Ashley watched him dreamily, still not noticing anything.

"You even sigh beautifully…" she said. Roy slapped his forehead. He rubbed his cheeks and tried to resist the urge to through her out of the window.

Speaking of the window, it was right beside his face since they went…or Ashley dragged him into a pizza parlor. There was still some time left until the pizza arrived, so Roy stared out the window.

The mall was an amazing place. He was surprised how many years he didn't visit one. Shops were everywhere you look, and all the colors just seemed to wake you up. It what's more was that it was so huge! Three whole floors with everything jam-packed with people.

Roy's thoughts on the mall disappeared soon after, and then they drifted back to Ed. _I can't help but worry…what if they couldn't find him? What if he got lost...or got kidnapped? Or even worse…he found another boyfriend!_ He shot up from his seat. Everyone in the restaurant glanced at him with a confused look.

"Roy?" Ashley asked.

"He better not or I'm going to kill him." Roy muttered and grabbed his coat.

She stood up. "Hey, where are you going? And who are you talking about?"

"I…need to go to the restroom." He replied, headed for the exit.

"Get back soon! The pizza will get cold!" she called but he was already gone.

Roy took one last look at the girl. "Try never…" he muttered and went into the crowd.

* * *

"Ed! Where are you?" Roy called. It was hard to keep his voice down, and yell loudly at the same time.

He kept running and looking left and right…until he heard a familiar voice coming from above.

"C'mon, Russel! I said I was sorry!"

_The 3rd floor…?_ He thought while he concentrated his ears again.

"NO YOU DIDN'T!" It was Russel's voice. "You said 'too bad, loser. Not even your girlfriend will like you with that hideous face that just got more hideous…if that's even possible!''"

"Well…it might've just…slipped out a little bit…exaggerated…Ed replied innocently.

Russel shot him a glare. "'Might've'?"

"'Slipped'?" Winry continued.

"_'Little_'?!?!"

"'BIT?!?"

"**_EXAGGERATING_**?!"

Ed backed away a few steps. "I'm guessing I should start running..."

Two seconds later, he was zooming through the mall like a missile…well that's mainly because he transmuted the floor into a missile and hopped on it…but that's beside the point.

Too bad he forgot to transmute some missile fuel in it. So he came crashing down, but it didn't explode since it didn't have any fuel in it.

While that happened, Winry and Russel were catching up.

"COME BACK AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU PIPSQEAK MIDGET SHORTY WHO CAN GET STEPPED ON WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING AND THEN FALL IN A DROP OF WATER AND DROWN IN IT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO DAMN PUNY THAT AN ANT WOULD LAUGH AT YOU!"

"…" Ed stopped and stared. Winry twitched.

Russel covered his mouth. "You did _not_ just hear that."

Silence.

"I guess you really can think up some random line that makes absolutely no sense when you're really mad…" Winry concluded.

* * *

And so the chase continues, but now he's threatening to kill them _both_ if they ever tell anyone.

"I'll spare Winry because she's a defenseless girl, but I won't hesitate for you!" he told him.

"It's not fair! I'm supposed to be a girl and I look way more defenseless AND cuter than Winry! Why me?" Ed scoffed as he pushed some people aside and jumped over some objects.

Winry clenched her fist. She turned to Russel. "Are you saying that I'm a POOR, DEFENSLESS USELESS GIRL?!"

Russel felt a shiver run down his spine.

She turned to Ed. "And WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'CUTER'?! I'm way cuter! And more pretty too!"

Ed froze in his tracks.

She reached inside her pockets and took out a huge wrench that was more than two feet long. And it was very shiny.

Ed and Russel were already gone before they saw it.

Then she heard Ed say, "How did she fit that three meter long piece of metal in her pocket?"

* * *

"Let's split up!" Ed called when they stopped at a split end, with two opposite paths.

Russel nodded while he ran. "You use the elevator and I use the escalator. Let's meet at the video game section on the first floor after either of us loses her."

"Why meet there?"

"Because Winry will never look there."

"You sure? She's been know as a tomboy for a while."

"But she's also from the country side and so she doesn't do technology, Ed."

"Oh I forgot."

And so when they finally reached it, Ed turned right and Russel went to the left. Both were wondering who she would follow.

Ed turned around and Winry was chose…the right one! Uh oh…she was chasing **_him_**_._

_Damn Russel, this must've been some sort of trick…_he thought as he forced with feet to take larger steps.

She was almost right behind him when he saw the elevator. He wondered why she didn't use her giant wrench to just knock him down since it was so long. Then he just figured that Winry didn't exactly have common sense.

_Wait…there's no time to wait for the elevator to open! _He panicked.

He blinked when he heard the 'ding' sound for the elevator. Someone must be getting off this floor!

Ed was just a foot away from the elevator and Winry was catching up. All he had to do was wait until it opened enough so that he could slide through.

The doors parted and Ed didn't hesitate to jump right in and push the 'close' button as fast as he could.

They closed right in time and Ed could've sworn he heard Winry's wrench bang on the door.

He let out a sigh of relief. "I can't believe my luck. By the way, thanks for opening the doors for me_ee_…"

When he turned around he saw-"R-roy…"

Roy smirked. "Glad to be of service, Fullmetal."

Ed gulped. There was nowhere to hide, the space was so small.

"Oh, Uh…hey…w-where's your girlfriend?" Oh well, minus well say something.

"Pizza Place." He answered.

Ed crossed his arms. "Then what are doing over here? Oh wait, you must be wondering around trying to flirt with more women, am I right?" he said mockingly.

"Actually, I was a little worried about you, so I came looking for you." He explained. "But who would've thought that you found me instead?"

Ed blushed, but tried to hold it back. "You…interrupted your date just to come looking for me…?"

"Actually, I won't be seeing Miss Whore over there anymore."

Ed blinked. "B---"

"And don't start acting smug in front of me. I left her, because I _wanted_ to." Roy cut him off.

Ed gave him a glare. "I wasn't going to!"

He grunted and turned away, his back facing him. "Damn that stupid bastard…he makes me so mad sometimes…" he muttered under his breath.

The elevator stopped moving and the doors began to open.

**_DING_**

They arrived at the first floor and the two stepped out.

Ed and Roy walked straight forward, with Roy following behind him.

Then he spotted what he was wearing, and smirked. "Nice skirt, fullmetal. It's fitting."

Ed stopped and turned around. "Would you stop say that?!"

Roy blinked. "Um…sorry, Ed?"

Weird. He didn't give him a rant about his comment.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Roy asked after a while of walking aimlessly.

"The video game section to meet Russel." He told him

And not another word was spoken the rest of the way there. It felt really awkward, both could feel a thick tension in the air that was going to break any second-

Ed sighed. "Roy, I—"

But he was interrupted by Russel's voice. "Hey Edo-chan, over here! Oh and I see you've brought your boyfriend."

Ed almost beat him to a pulp, but these days with his new hormones, he somehow learned to control them. "I said I was S. O. R. R. Y. Now stop mocking me!"

"Yeah yeah, sorry, Edo-chan." He replied.

"DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL, UGLY-FACE?!" Well at least he tried…

Roy had to step in and break it up between those two up before the mall's manager kicks them out.

"Geez! You guys are acting like brothers!" he said.

Russel stared at him and then at Ed.

"…you mean brothers and sisters, right?"

And with that, Russel received the world's most painful smack...punch…kick…oh you get it.

"Let's go to the videogame section, Roy." Ed said with his teeth clenched.

"Remind me never to piss off a girl…" Russel murmured.

The trio walked to the first floor together without saying one word. The tension was well…really tense between Russel and Ed since they were still fighting, and it was tenser between Ed and Roy. Poor Ed, he has to suffer double the tenseness.

When they arrived there (cautiously avoiding Winry), Ed ran like nuts into the isles.

"This is like heaven!" He squealed as he looked at each one through a glass window.

After he scanned almost everything (And most of the boys were staring at him because of his behavior because he's suppose to be a girl…), he went back to Russel and Roy.

"I might not be a girl, but you're definitely breaking the 'girl's don't like videogames' code." Russel explained, crossing his arms.

Ed just scolded at him. "I just wish those stinkin' glass walls didn't exist…"

_Hmm…_he thought at he glanced back at the glass wall of doom.

Roy knew that look. He had to same look when he was having the idea of dying his hair pink, which thankfully Al found out.

Ed grinned evilly. "Unless I could just transmute it into oh, I dunno…say thin air?"

"Don't you dare!" Roy warned.

"You _do_ realize that you're going to blow your cover, right?" Russel asked, still having the annoyed tone in his voice.

Ed put his hands on his hips. "Hm…guess what? I don't care."

Russel tried to hold his laughter. "Only **girls** put their hands on their hips!"

"Would you shut the _–BEEP-_ off your _–BEEP-_ing _–BEEP- _you _–BEEP-_?!" he yelled.

"Just where is that beeping thing coming from…?" Russel asked himself.

"HEY, STOP IGNORING ME!"

Russel snickered. "Guess I couldn't hear you, since you're so _SMALL_ and everything."

"ARRGGGG!!" Ed was above the anger management level.

"C'mon, why won't you hit me or something?"

Ed huffed. "Because, there are security cameras in here. And I don't want to go to jail for beating up an **UGLY**,** STUPID** guy who really **_DESERVES _**to be hit!!"

"I didn't realize that you felt that way about Roy." He replied.

"B-but—" Ed stammered. "I WASN'T REFERRING TO HIM!"

He stomped off somewhere else, leaving Russel to gloat and Roy to sigh.

"Isn't he hot when he's hot?" Roy sighed dreamily.

_I really wished I stayed unconscious…_Russel thought after almost having a heart attack.

* * *

_While in the clothing section…_

"Damn…I lost them, AGAIN!" Winry cried, shoving herself through piles of clothing.

She walked around in circles and turned left and right.

"I am going to kill them for not buying a map to this stupid city place!" Winry yelled. "I hate this place!" She banged her wrench on the floor, creating a giant hole.

Then she saw a worker standing in front of a shop.

"Hello, sweetie. Mind checking out some of our newest automail parts and products that just came in?" she asked, making her stop in her tracks.

A few seconds later, "SCREW THAT! I LOVE THIS PLACE!"

* * *

Me: Oh and I forgot to mention that this OVA I made for the chap.

Ed: OVA?

Roy: I think it stands for Out Visiting Al.

Ed: Why would I be out visiting **AL**?

Al: I think it's kinda a 'crack'ish thing.

Ed: Remind me to visit Al next week…

* * *

---------000---------000---------**ROLL THE CLIP**

Too bad he forgot to transmute some missile fuel in it. So he came crashing down, but it didn't explode since it didn't have any fuel in it.

While that happened, Winry and Russel were catching up.

"COME BACK AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, YOU PIPSQEAK MIDGET SHORTY WHO CAN GET STEPPED ON WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING AND THEN FALL IN A DROP OF WATER AND DROWN IN IT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO DAMN PUNY THAT AN ANT WOULD LAUGH AT YOU!"

Ed stopped and stared. Winry twitched.

Russel covered his mouth. "You did _not_ just hear that."

Silence.

"…" Ed said nothing. He was still too shocked to move.

"H-how dare you use…plagiarism!" Ed pointed a finger accusingly at him.

"But I—!"

"Copier copier copier! COPIIIIIER!" Ed yelled. "YOU STOLE MY CATCH PHASE!"

"YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM MY LAYWYER, YOU JERK!"

The director (Me) steps in and yells, "CUT, CUT! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!"

Winry sighed and glared at Russel. "You suck."

Russel shrugged.

--------000------000------**END CLIP**.

* * *

_END CHAPTER_

**A/N:** Well now, I guess that's the last of it. There's no chance that I'll be continuing this story...sorry guys. I may be able to post an epilodge, though, when I get the chance. Thanks again, everyone! :D


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